


I'm Just Well Mixed

by iknaq



Series: The Suits [6]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Music, Anxiety, Ass Play, BBW, Banter, Bisexuality, Blood and Injury, Depression, Double Penetration, Exhibitionism, F/M, Face-Sitting, Flirting, Heavy Angst, Inspired by Music, Masturbation, Multi, Nightmares, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, Polyamorous Character, Size Kink, Smut, Squirting, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Voyeurism, plus size
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-11-19 16:09:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11316933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iknaq/pseuds/iknaq
Summary: Audra adjusts to having Deacon in her life, dealing with the emotions accompanying that. Dealing with a rough month of important dates as she slips further into depression. The nightmares plaguing her making it hard when she wakes up, memories of her old life overlaid on the new.





	1. Last Thing You Learn In Life

**Author's Note:**

> UGhhhhhhhh, the feels. Okay, so this chapter is smut heavy towards the end, starting to get a bit angsty...it's gonna get bad shortly. March is a rough month for Audra.

'Holy crap, it's cold...'  
  
Even with the new jacket, hat, and gloves, Audra had made him take, Mac felt like he was going to freeze if they sat there any longer. He knew he'd been complaining a lot, but it was effin' miserable and he was tired of it.  
  
They'd spent a few days at the Railroad headquarters, helping Deacon with a job for one of the escaped synths. Mac wasn't sure how the heck the guy was going to survive out there, he seemed like he was scared of his own shadow, but the synth listened when he tried helping the guy shoot a little better. Queenie was all mushy of course, worrying about they synth even after they'd left him with High Rise. The whole way there, when she wasn't worrying, High Rise and Queenie were flirting like mad leaving Mac and Deacon to bring up the rear. At one point he had to roll his eyes and without thinking, asked Deacon if she'd always been like that, surprised when he answered.  
  
'No, she used to be shy around everyone but us. She never thought she was good enough...she still doesn't, she just got better at pretending.'  
  
Mac looked at him, but Deacon stopped talking and he didn't know what else to say to the spy. Queenie kept swinging between overly chipper and depressed, Deacon did not acknowledge who he really was to her and it was messing with her head and starting to get on Mac's nerves. He didn't know what his deal was or why he didn't just talk with her, but you'd have to be blind not to see the tension between those two.  
It had gotten so bad that Audra finally decided that they needed to get out of there.  
The nightmares had come back and not even being right there for her at night was helping. When she could actually fall asleep she'd wake up screaming or sometimes just whimpering, asking for everyone from her life before in her dream-addled state, not understanding why they weren't there. The first time she called him Nate and asked him where their son was he thought his heart would break as she looked up at him so devastated. Desdemona had them clear out the area they had been using for shooting practice and they'd pulled a mattress over there, as far away from everyone as the could, but still everyone could hear her falling apart at night. At one point he saw Deacon standing at the edge of the room, looking like he was trying to decide to come in or not and Mac would have sworn he saw tears on the man's face before he ran away. Most of the time she just sat there awake and read Deacon's books or talked with Tinker Tom, he was a weird guy but he took a shine to Audra and she'd even convinced him to slack off on the chems. Deacon never seemed to sleep much either, but he'd just up and disappear and reappear randomly.  
When she talked with Sturges on the radio, she never mentioned the nightmares, but he could tell the man was worried too just from the tone of his voice.  
  
So, they'd left after Queenie gave them one of the radios and they came up with a signal so that if someone said it, they knew they should go to the secure channel and get a location for where they were needed. They'd left early and made their way towards the Mass Pike Interchange. It took them a day to get there, at one point they'd had to run around to find a way up and had to find some boards to use the on ramp to get to the center level, hoping to avoid the lifts and they'd eventually came up towards the Gunner encampment. They stopped and hid in one of the abandoned buses that night, they couldn't risk a fire or anything like that, so that night they huddled together fully clothed under their bedrolls, trying to keep each other warm.  
  
'Yeah, this is bullshit weather. I think we should hit them tonight after they start drinking. I have some stealth boys and I can take care of the turret and get the guys at the gate with my knife. Once they're clear you come up and take left and I'll take right and we can pick them off. Sound like a plan?'  
  
'Okay Queenie, but I don't think you should get close, we can get them from here.'  
  
'Nah, the car up there might explode and I have no clue how stable this freeway is. We can start at the gate and move up if they start to gain on us I can pop another stealth boy and circle around to get them from behind, just don't shoot me.'  
  
Mac rolled his eyes and leant over for a kiss, sitting back against the wall of the bus and pulling her on his lap. They sat there for a while before Audra told him to take nap. She hadn't dared to sleep unless he was up and watching her, worrying that she would scream and give up their location. He tried to say something and she just shrugged it off but she had dark circles under her eyes and her skin was very pale beneath her freckles. With her white hair and dark eyes, she was starting to look almost ghost-like and he worried she would fade away in front of him.  
  
-  
  
(Hailstorms - Hugo)  
  
Mac blinked, distracted from his own targets for a moment as he watched her shoot. She was good, he hadn't seen her shoot at that far of a distance, she usually left that to him but he was impressed and slightly turned on as the Gunners rapidly dropped from headshots.  
  
'Eyes front soldier, take care of your side.'  
  
'Shit...shoot, sorry Queenie. All right, Winlock and Barnes should be here. Let's take them down.'  
  
He brought his rifle back up and started picking off the Gunners coming down the left, trying to ignore the tightness in his chest at her words, she didn't know, but it hit hard hearing her call him that. She'd taken out the guard at the gate easily, he didn't even see her, just saw the guy fall and the turret deactivate. By the time he'd moved up, she'd also taken out the other couple guys that were closest to the gate.  
  
'Fuck, assaultron on the left.'  
  
They both concentrated their fire on the bot till it went down and he caught Barnes in the corner of his eye.  
  
'Barnes on the right.'  
  
'Be right back, little shit is trying to hide.'  
  
He frowned and the next thing he knew she'd dropped her coat and was a shimmer again, jumping over the railing and started down the right side. He watched with grim satisfaction as Barnes was suddenly knocked over and his head exploded as Audra drew her pistol on him.  
  
'AUDRA!'  
  
He saw a nearby Gunner grab her shoulder and she started fighting with the guy as he jumped over the barrier and started running for them, watching as she took him out, then yelling at her when he saw the spray of blood as she fell backwards.  
  
'MACCREADY, I'm going to stick your head on a pike raider style to show everyone what happens to little shits who mess with the Gunners. Then I'm going to fuck that little girly there and show her what a real man is like.'  
  
_Shit, shit, shit...no, come on babe, get up...get up._  
  
He raised his rifle and started shooting at Winlock, the bastard had crawled into some power armour and was working his way towards them. He was going to fucking kill the bastard, even if he had to do it with his bare hands before he'd ever let him touch her. Mac let out a little sigh of relief seeing Audra squirm on the ground, rolling over onto her stomach and pushing herself up with a grunt. He took aim from around a Nuka-Cola machine and Audra crawled towards the beds set up there.  
Audra jabbed a stimpack in her shoulder while he held off Winlock, hissing at her to pull back then grunting in frustration as suddenly she was gone again. He saw the turret behind the Gunner deactivate and Winlock started pressing forward again, Mac couldn't help but laugh a little as suddenly the power armour stopped moving, hearing something clatter as the Gunner was ejected.  
  
_Audra must have pulled the power core and opened him up._  
  
Winlock let out a yelp as he was yanked down and onto his back, Audra coming back into view, sitting on his chest with her knife to his throat.  
  
'You want to kill this asshole, darling?'  
  
She held out her pistol with her other hand and Mac strode forward, taking the pistol from her. She leant forward, whispering something into Winlock's ear, making the man go white as a sheet before she stood. Mac looked down at the man and shot him in the face, blinking, amazed that that part of his life was now over and dealt with.  
  
Mac grabbed Audra, pulling her hard against him, kissing roughly.  
  
'You idiot, you were supposed to be careful and not get hurt. What if you had been killed? I don't know what I would have fucking done, goddamn it Audra.'  
  
His voice was rough and he looked down at her, shaking her a little, frustrated and happy all at once. Feeling her gloved hand cup his cheek, pulling him down for a softer kiss.  
  
'It went through clean, I'm okay Robert...I'm okay. We did it...'  
  
'Yeah...yeah...this should send a message to the Gunners to stay off my back.'  
  
'I'm sure they heard you loud and clear.'  
  
'Definitely. For the Gunners, it's always about the bottom line. They just lost this entire waystation and that cost them big. Besides, they have no way of knowing I was involved. Anyway, I guess I owe you a favour now. After all, you hired me but I'm the one that dragged you out here.'  
  
'You know you don't owe me, you needed the help. I told you, you need me and I'm there.'  
  
'Sure, but I like everything to remain nice and even... and you're one up on me. Tell you what. I'm going to give you back the caps you paid me in Goodneighbor. I'll still stick with you because that was part of the original deal, but now we're even. There you go.'  
  
Audra sighed and tried to hand them back but he just shoved them at her, pulling her into another kiss before she could protest.  
  
'I guess we're done here. Lead on, boss.'  
  
'MMMmmm are we in a rush? I need to sleep now that we don't have to worry about me waking anyone and you seemed to enjoy watching me shoot or was I imagining that?'  
  
Mac quirked an eyebrow at her, but grabbed her hand, dragging her back towards the beds. It was cold and he pushed her onto one of the beds and jumped into the power armour, using it to drag the bodies away and pull the fire barrel by the gate closer so they wouldn't freeze. By the time he hopped out of the armour, she'd shoved two of the small beds together and was sitting on the bed mostly naked, just wearing just her jacket and his heart stuttered at the sight.  
  
_She risked herself...for me. She told me she loved...me._  
  
Charlie had always tried to do what she could to help him. Lucy loved him but he'd never told her the truth. And here was Audra...the impossible woman, who knew he'd been a merc...who knew he'd run with the Gunners...and still she said that and fought for him. This amazingly soft and sweet pre-war woman who could make Gunner's blanch with a whisper.  
  
_God...no...not...damn it._  
  
Mac sighed and Queenie looked at him curiously, realising he'd just been standing there staring at her. She smiled a little when she noticed he rejoined reality.  
  
'What got you thinking so hard and worrying there, Robert?'  
  
He shivered a little at the way she said his name. She only ever called him that when they were alone and when she looked at him like that.  
  
'What did you say to Winlock?'  
  
'I told him it was a mercy...letting you kill him. I told him I would have shown him how unpleasant it is to be taken by force...with my knife.'  
  
MacCready just stared at her, eyebrows high, in shock at the thought of her doing something so...dark. Audra looked at him, tilting her head to the side a little. It was like he was seeing a different person or maybe he was really seeing her for the first time.  
  
'I will not allow anyone to hurt the ones I love and if I have to, I will make an example of the offender, so others after that know not to fuck with my family. This isn't the world I grew up in, but I'll do what's necessary. Even if we weren't lovers, you're my family now and you always will be.'  
  
Her dark eyes flashed fiercely and he knew she meant it, she would do anything for them, for him. That was Audra, so loving and amazing and so much stronger than he ever imagined and so much more than he ever deserved.   
  
Mac sunk down to his knees in front of her, pulling his gloves off then pushing the coat off her shoulders and groaning a little, brushing her nipples with his still cold hands and making them stiffen even more. She moaned so sweetly when he took one into his mouth, pushing the hat off his head and running her fingers through his hair as he worked it with the flat of his tongue. He switched sides and did the same to the other, scooting her ass to the edge of the bed so he could run a finger over her soaking slit slowly. Jesus, she was always so soft and wet for him. Pushing her down onto her back and leaning down slowly drawing his tongue over her outer lips.  
Audra tried to buck up against him and he pushed her hips, holding her down. He wanted to take his time, she tasted sweet and a little musky and amazing and he could probably spend hours between her thighs if she let him. Sucking one lip and then the other before taking a deep breath, sliding his tongue deeper into her, making his nose nudge at her clit. The sound of her whining made him chuckle a little and he just slowed his pace, even more, lapping at her teasingly.  
  
'Goddamn it Robert, I am going to make you pay...OOOhhh god that feels so good, darling, please?'  
  
He slid one finger in her as he switched to flicking her clit with the tip of his tongue, having to pause a moment to shift, adjusting the uncomfortable tightness of his pants. He was glad he'd moved the barrel over, it was still cold, but they wouldn't freeze while he took her. Sucking her hard little clit between his lips, moaning against her and making her buck again. She let out these little breathless whimpers that went straight to his dick as he felt her getting close.  
MacCready sat back on his heels and watched her writhe as he worked his finger in and out of her. Pulling his hand back and adding another finger, smirking at her moans, crooking his fingers in her again and again. She looked gorgeous, hair splayed out, flushed and panting. Her eyes were narrowed as she looked at him with so much passion and fucking love, he couldn't believe that was for him.  
Audra screamed as she came and he watched in amazement as she squirted for him, coating his hand and trying to trickle down his arm. Her nails were digging into the mattress and here eyes were closed, twitching as she came down.  
  
'OHhh Jesus, Audra....'  
  
Mac pulled his jacket off and started to get the rest off while she sat up shakily, grabbing his scarf and pulling him in for a kiss. Then he felt her lips pressing against his ear, her breath hot and shaky as she whispered to him.  
  
'We have an audience...'  
  
Mac stiffened a little and she wrapped her arms around his neck, nuzzling at his cheek and massaging his back as she spoke softly.  
  
'It's Deacon...to your left, over by the bus...I noticed that some of the Gunners were taken down by shots that were not ours. We can move into the other shack with the bed...or we could put on a show...'  
  
'I moved the barrel over so we could stay warm, he can fuc...freaking watch for all I care, I need you.'  
  
Mac started stripping down again, slowed down by the constant need to touch her. He had his shirt off and his pants pushed down around his knees when he started to lean forward, eager to feel her on him again.  
  
'Fuck...condom?'  
  
'In the bag, back in the bus...'  
  
'God damn...darn it...argggggggh. Do you want to...?'  
  
'As long as you're okay with it Robert...we've already talked about what I've been up to...'  
  
'If...if something were to happen. I'd be here Audra.'  
  
'I know...I trust you.'  
  
_Jesus that look again. Sorry for the language Duncan but God damn it, I can't help it when I'm alone with her._  
  
(I Want You [She's So Heavy] - Halestorm)  
  
He held himself in his hand, groaning as he started rubbing himself on her slit. She was so fucking wet it was unbelievable and it felt so good. Mac pulled her up for a deep kiss before she lay back down and he started to press into her, gasping softly. He pulled her further down the edge of the bed, sinking into her, it was like freaking velvet. He hadn't been with anyone like this since Lucy and he worried he was going to cum too fast. He thrust up as he pulled her hips down, letting out a strangled groan as she squeezed around him.  
  
'So fucking good...ohhh god...fuck I need you, Audra.'  
  
'Take me, Mac, please...ohh god yes...I need you, all of you, please?'  
  
Mac still worried in the back of his head that he would hurt her, but he couldn't stop his hips as he drove against her hard. Her moans only spurred him on and soon he was bucking against her hard, looking down and watching as he slid in and out. At one point he glanced to his left, groaning softly as he caught sight of the spy. Deacon was leaning against the bus, still there and watching them, his pants open and his dick in hand. Mac was slightly surprised to see he didn't have his glasses on, smirking at the man as he pulled Audra flush against him, wrapping her legs around him and supporting her by her hips. Kissing at her shoulder and neck, he spent some time kissing over the soft new flesh, where she took the bullet.  
  
'Look at him, he wants you. I can see how bad he wishes it was him right here.'  
  
Audra looked over and the pair watched him stroke himself, all the hotter with them watching him. Mac started thrusting her up and down on him as Audra blew a kiss, head falling back as she cried out and he drove harder into the spot. Her voice was soft and shaky.  
  
'He wants us, not just me darling...he wants to fill my pussy as you fuck my ass, then swap...he wants to take your ass as you fuck my pussy. He would love to suck you down just like I did after the bath, all the better if you're slick with my juices. One personality...two-bodies...remember? He's my other half and just as kinky and dirty and insatiable as I am.'  
  
'Fucckkkkkk...'  
  
The thought of being caught between the two of them...he wasn't sure he could survive it. His knees were killing him but they were so close, she started to flutter and throb around him and he couldn't stop the low guttural moan from rising, turning her face to him and watching as she came on him, drenching him. He cried out and kissed her hard as he pumped her full of his seed, feeling that primal satisfaction of claiming her. Audra pulled off him, sitting at the edge of the bed. He'd just started to soften when suddenly Audra was sliding her fingers between her legs and lifting her fingers, wet with their mixed cum to her mouth and sucking them off. They heard the soft grunts and moans as Deacon met his finish and Mac felt another surge, hard for her once more, suddenly aching to be in her again. Relearning how to breathe for a moment before looking over, seeing the spy tuck himself away and disappear into the bus, but they both knew he wouldn't be far.  
Mac looked up at her and cupped her face, kissing her deeply, tasting them on her tongue. He climbed up with a little grunt of discomfort, knees aching, but soon forgot all about that as Audra pushed him on his back and slid back down on him.  
  
-  
  
He should never have brought her here, he should have never let her see him, he should have left the Commonwealth as soon as he realised it was her.   
  
He was at war with himself, listening to her cry out. She called his name, his real name, a name he hadn't heard in over a fucking hundred years. The nightmares plagued her, but he worried that he would make it worse if he approached her.  
It was bad enough that he'd answered MacCready without thinking, the merc was constantly looking at him with this irritated stare and he didn't know how to deal with it.  
  
He wasn't surprised when she said she had to get out of there, he'd waited a bit after they'd left before following, Glory giving him a knowing look as he slipped out the back tunnel. He trailed after them, realising where they were heading after a bit. He'd planned on running ahead, knowing there was a lift that was often unattended that he could use, but it was shortly after they'd gotten out Boston proper that he'd encountered the problem.  
  
Deacon was watching them climb the broken roadway from the hill near Fiddler's Green when he caught sight of another one of the assholes trailing the pair, he was about to start after them when he heard the noise coming from behind him. He spun around, expecting a ghoul, there was a lot in the old trailer park but he was not expecting another tail to be pointing a pistol at him.  
  
'The heretics must be cleansed. You have been deemed a threat and shall be removed.'  
  
He flung the binoculars he was holding before the man could shoot, tackling the man as he swatted them away. He bore the man down to the ground, pinning him as he started bashing his face in with his fists, tunnel vision starting to take over. He knew he had to take care of the threat and go after the one going for Audra. The man looked up at him, face bloodied with a few teeth now missing and the asshole laughed.  
  
'We will not stop till you and the whore are dead.'  
  
'Who are you? Tell me!'  
  
'The Circle...'  
  
Deacon snapped the man's neck before he could finish the sentence, he didn't need to hear any more to know they were in trouble.  
  
_Shit, shit, shit. Audra!_  
  
He got up and ran for the freeway, not giving a rat's ass about stealth right now, he saw the guy trying to climb up the broken road behind them, dropping to a knee and raising his rifle. The pop of his rifle was slightly muffled but he could see Audra and Mac duck for cover as he ran forward again, grabbing the dead guys leg and dragging him away from their immediate sight.  
He did a quick search of the one before going back to the other and it was the same as before, minimal effects on them, mainly just the clothes on their backs and their weapons...which meant they were holing up somewhere in the Commonwealth and if they knew who he was...it meant Cole had found him. If Cole was around then it wasn't long till all the Hangdogs would be there.  
He wasn't sure how it happened, but they all tended to gravitate towards each other. He'd managed to stay off the radar since leaving the Capital Wasteland but now Cole was here and Valentine had been looking into the Mysterious Stranger, so that meant Hank was around, as well. He wondered what they were going to think of Audra.  
Deacon ditched the bodies in one of the nearby trailers, nearly getting jumped by some ghouls. It was dark by the time he made it to the lift, going up and popping a stealth boy before getting to the top. He ran down the right side as quickly and quietly as he could, so that he would be at the other end of the encampment.  
  
It was boring the next day, wondering when they were going to make their move. As soon as he heard the alarm raised, he moved to the top level, taking out the Gunners that hung out up there. Charmer and Bullseye worked their way towards him on the center level and he took a few shots that he could from up there. He almost yelled out when he saw Audra go down, running back so he could climb down to the center level. He was relieved when he saw Charmer up, then proud when he saw her take down the asshole.  
She was becoming a force to be reckoned with, which was good, they were going to need it to face Cole...but she put herself at risk too much, leaving herself open to take shots. So far she'd been lucky and hopefully, Cole wasn't aware that she'd been using the biogel, but they were getting bold, which meant they'd been watching him for a while now. Which meant they may have been watching him as he watched Audra come out of the vault...If Cole remembered the stories he'd told them and realised who Audra was, then he wasn't going to be able to leave her alone till he knew they were taken care of. He thought he'd taken care of them before after Cole turned to the dark side, but apparently, he wasn't ready to stay dead.  
  
Deacon stepped out of the bus slowly, Bullseye had hopped in the power armour and started clearing bodies after everyone was gone and he figured he'd waited long enough, they'd probably be settling down for the night. After not being able to sleep, Charmer had to be ready for some shut eye.  
  
_God dayuuummm..._  
  
He couldn't help but bend over slightly at the sudden aching hardness, he had not expected to step out to find Mac taking one of Audra's tits into his mouth. He flushed when Audra opened her eyes and looked at him over MacCready's head. She stared at him while Mac teased her nipples, making the sweetest sounds. He started to step forward, before realising what he was doing, then forced himself to stop and step back. He leant up against the bus, taking his glasses off and hanging them from his shirt and opening his coat.  
  
(Need You Tonight - Welshly Arms)  
  
Her eyes flashed with something that looked like satisfaction when she saw his eyes and he raised an eyebrow, reaching down and rubbing himself through his jeans. He wanted to play it off, he knew she liked being watched and watching him, but all he could do was bite down on his lip as his palm pressed against the head. There was a flash of heat and desire in her eyes before Mac disappeared between her thighs and her eyes fluttered closed.  
MacCready was swiftly working her towards an orgasm and he couldn't take the pressure anymore, opening his jeans and taking himself into his hand. He rubbed his palm over the head, getting it damp with the copious amount of precum he was generating before he wrapped his hand around and started to pump slowly.  
Deacon almost came when Audra came, the intoxicating fucking noises she made driving him closer to the edge, then the sight of her juices dripping off Mac's hand nearly pushing him over. Hanging on to the base of his cock as he forced himself to breathe, huffing quietly with the effort. They were talking about something, but the blood was rushing too hard in his ears for him to tell what they were saying.  
  
_Oh, Jesus fucking Christ._  
  
MacCready was stripping down and the sight of the younger man just made him harder, thinking of all the wonderfully dirty things he could do, imagining Mac just as flushed and squirming as Audra was. He started pumping again, wishing he had a better angle to watch as he started to fill Audra, trying desperately to remember what that once felt like. He stroked himself with the one hand, the other under his t-shirt, nails digging into the skin of his stomach with just enough force to keep him from getting too worked up.  
He couldn't stop his hips from rolling a bit, mimicking Mac's thrusts, biting his lip to stifle to sounds he wanted to make. MacCready looked over and he pumped himself into his hand. Mac was smirking, but he could see the look in his eyes and the flush in his cheeks as he watched Deacon stroke himself. Then both of their eyes were on him and he almost went over the edge again, unable to stop the soft whine. They looked at him like when it was Nate and Audra and he almost started forward again, wanting to share in that with them. Audra blew him a kiss and he knew she knew exactly what was going on in his mind and how badly he wanted them.  
Audra's head fell back, distracted and moaning as Mac thrust up into her. She was so fucking gorgeous...his heart was pounding and he forgot about stroking himself for a moment as he watched them. They looked fucking good together, his little Chunk and the lean line that was MacCready.  
Mac's hips stuttered at something that Audra had said and he knew they were close, pumping his hand again with a little moan as Audra came with Mac right behind. He was so close, so close and he wanted to cum so badly, speeding up his thrusts. Then he watched as Audra sucked their cum off her fingers and that was it, grunting as he came all over the concrete. Meeting Audra's eyes as he licked a bit off of his palm before tucking himself away. Smirking a little as he turned and went back into the bus, seeing that Mac was all ready to go again.  
  
He thought about staying for round two, but he was tired and his heart ached. Sitting on the stairs of one of the little shacks, eyes closing, imagining his fiance looking up at him with all the love in the world as he slid the band he had made specifically for her onto her finger.  
He could never have that again and he suddenly mourned it with a ferocity that he'd never had before.  
  
(Closure - Chevelle)  
  
He'd been angry before, years and years ago, but now it was focused on all the things standing in the way of them. Everything that fucking forced them apart and he wanted to rip it all apart with his hands as easily as he'd taken care of the assassin. He knew she could reject him for what he'd done, but he ignored that in favour of thinking about what he could do, what he would need to do if he ever wanted to be with his Chunk...his Queenie, again.  
The Institute and Cole were the most pressing of matters, Maxson would eventually find out and have to be dealt with in one manner or another. The Minutemen were growing rapidly and while the idea was in the right spirit, he worried about the reality. Then there was Valentine, he knew at some point that the dick was going to have to get his shit together or make a clean break. Otherwise, Audra would continue to carry him in her heart, an open wound forever. How could one person have so much love?  
  
Deacon poked around in the shack that must have belonged to Winlock, snagging a Nuka-Cola from inside and sitting back down, lighting a cigarette. He wanted to rest, but he knew he wouldn't be able to, knowing that Cole was out there and could be coming for them.  
  
-  
  
Audra rolled off Mac with a soft moan, blushing as their combined fluids dripped out, grabbing her suit and using it to wipe herself up. After a brief breather, Mac ran to the bus, grabbing their bags and Audra pulled out some fresh clothes, bundling back up and lying down.  
She couldn't help the small chuckle as Mac started snoring almost immediately, apparently worn out from their second round. She was exhausted too, but still sleep evaded her, carefully rolling off of the bed. She walked towards the bus silently, seeing Deacon sitting in front of the one shack. He watched her cautiously as she approached and she thought about turning right back around and running away, not sure what to say.  
  
(Creep - Ember Island)  
  
She smiled faintly when he pulled his glasses off as she came to a stop in front of him, digging in her pocket and grabbing her own cigarettes, taking the offered light.  
  
'I found a truck with a bunch of old dispensers in it, so...I have a bunch of cigarettes now, I was planning on bringing some back for Desdemona, I've noticed she smokes like a freakin chimney...'  
  
'Oh, yeah. I always try to grab her some when I'm out and about.'  
  
They fell into an awkward silence as they smoked and Audra leant over, taking a sip of his soda. After they finished their cigarettes, Audra jerked her head towards the bus.  
  
'Shall we go actually sit in the chairs? Might be a little more comfortable than sitting on the stoop...and if you don't mind...I would feel safer trying to sleep, knowing you were there.'  
  
Deacon nodded and he grabbed his bag, walking just slightly behind her. Audra jumped when he spun her around, backing her up against the bus. She looked up at him and fought the urge to cry, seeing the love there, but the hesitation too. Whatever it was that he was hiding, it was big and it was worrying him and she didn't know if she could get past that, his walls were so high.  
She wanted to reach for him, but she let him make the decision again, heart pounding as he started to lean in. She reached up, arms going around him as he pressed his lips to hers sweetly, fingers brushing the back of his head lightly. Audra missed his hair, missed curling her fingers in it...remembering so many nights, lying on the couch, using Nate as a pillow with Aidan in front of them. Playing with his hair and pressing kisses on the back of his neck till he turned around and kissed her properly.  
They kept the kiss light and sweet, Deacon pulling back, gently holding her arm and guiding her back to the chairs. They sat there for a while, smoking in silence before he told her firmly to go lie down. She lay there for a while, no closer to sleep when he carried a chair over. He sat down at her side and laced her fingers with his, her other hand reaching out and finding Mac's. Muffling her giggles in the pillow at Mac's snort in his sleep, Deacon rolling his eyes.  
  
She felt his lips brush her forehead lightly as sleep took her.


	2. (A Break From Our Regularly Scheduled Smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No story, this is all about my inspiration and such.
> 
> Made some changes as of 8/10 for a couple people I liked better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Upbeatbox ;)  
> Here's what I have gathered as far as what I imagine when I am writing.

None of the linked content is mine, it is used for inspiration purposes only. The linked content remains the property of the original creator.

Okay, so I have a really really ridiculously crazy imagination and super crazy vivid movie-like dreams. When I first came up with the idea for the Suits, I started having crazy ass dreams of some of the different scenes that I was thinking about and so I went on a hunt for if I were to do a movie of the story I was telling, who would play whom.

Some of these are not my ideal image of the characters, but the closest that I was able to find.

 

 **Audra:**  
So, the closest I could find to what I imagine in my head for Audra is the model Tara Lynn.  
Audra is shorter (5'4"-5'5"ish, as opposed to 5'9" that Tara Lynn is). When I was first trying to picture Audra and I saw Tara Lynn, I imagined her having her lips, hips and ass. Audra is also rounder, more of a belly on her (when she first gets out of the vault, closer to Tara Lynn's shape after losing the weight).  
Eyes are a soft chocolate brown, hair was a rich dark brown when she was younger, bright white after the vault that tends to be wavy and curly at the ends, and she has a bunch of freckles on the upper portion of her face and on her shoulders and arms.

A bit later in the story, there is going to be a night out with everybody at the Third Rail and here was what I was kind of imagining for Audra.  
  
Hair and Makeup Inspiration <https://www.instagram.com/p/BKo0TsihKHK/>  
Blue Dress Shape Inspiration <https://www.instagram.com/p/8zBvW-B6Gd/>  
Blue Dress Color Inspiration <http://ell.h-cdn.co/assets/cm/15/01/54a75ded7f6cc_-_elle-tara-lynn-2-de.jpg>

  
**Roger/Arthur:**  
Okay, so I have always kind of had a bone to pick about Arthur, dude is supposed to be 20 and he looks so much older. When I first started looking around, I was thinking about maybe someone like Chris Pine because he totally has the eyes, but I still wanted someone younger. Then I saw these pictures of Aaron Taylor Johnson with this haircut and his beard and now I cannot imagine anyone else for Arthur at all, that is him for me, hair would have to be darkened a little, but otherwise, I think he's perfect. I also thought that Richard Armitage would make a good Roger...  
  
<http://esq.h-cdn.co/assets/16/46/980x490/landscape-1479330623-aaron-taylor-johnson.jpg>  
<http://cdn5.thr.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/landscape_928x523/2017/01/thr_aaron_taylor-johnson_nocturnal_animals_arg3517.jpg>  
  
**Danse:**  
I had a hard time trying to decide who I would like for Danse. Eventually, I settled on Theo James, he has the eyes and the lips that I imagine Danse to have, but he's not quite broad enough in the shoulders for me. If the dude could bulk up a bit, I think it would be a lot closer.  
  
<http://hairstyles.thehairstyler.com/hairstyle_views/front_view_images/11251/original/Theo-James.jpg>  
  
**Deacon/Aidan:**  
Whoooo boy, I thought long and hard about this one. And had more than a few steamy dreams...oh man. I wasn't sure about it first, but the more I thought about it and the more I imagined it, it came to be for me. His nose, the picture of him in the sunglasses and turtleneck, the one of him in white t-shirt and jeans, the ginger-ness. Shave his head and that's him. For young Aidan, think Fassy in Band of Brothers...  
  
<http://www.maxmayo.com/style/style-profile-michael-fassbender/#.WR5tJWjyvIU>  
  
**Nick:**  
This is another one I had to think about long and hard about. At first, I was leaning towards Misha Collins because he totally pulls off the scruff and trenchcoat or David Tennant just because I adore that man, but then I saw this photoshoot and Wes in that with maybe a dash more scruff would totally do it for me.  
  
<http://www.fashiongonerogue.com/harpers-bazaar-us-march-2010-anna-selezneva-wes-bentley-by-peter-lindbergh/>[  
](http://www.fashiongonerogue.com/harpers-bazaar-us-march-2010-anna-selezneva-wes-bentley-by-peter-lindbergh/)<http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.2153800.1426694296!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_1200/la-premiere-interstellar-arrivals.jpg>  
  
**Nate/MacCready:**  
This was another one that I kind of had to warm up to, but I saw the gif from Skull Island and slap a goatee and hat on him and that is what I started picturing. Nate would be more brown haired and Mac more ginger-y.  
  
<http://highlighthollywood.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/tomhiddleston-2.jpg>  
<https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/90/84/90/9084906164dacee290271f216037cde6.gif>  
  
**Preston:**  
I saw this picture of Jay Ellis in this coat and that was it, slap his hat on and we have our Preston. The only other person I would accept would be the one cosplayer, I don't have a pic handy, but he's good.  
  
<http://static.vibe.com/uploads/2013/04/VIBE-Vixen-Jay-Ellis2.png>  
  
**Cait:**  
I wasn't sure who could pull off Cait's attitude at first, but I think Rose Leslie could pull off the cocky attitude well.  
  
<http://i.imgur.com/KghzOhm.jpg>  
  
**Piper:**  
Krysten Ritter has been and always will be my Piper.  
  
<http://celebrity.red/jdd/public/documents/red/news/8/krysten-ritter.jpg>  
  
**Curie:**  
Originally I was thinking someone like Marion Cotillard, but then I saw this picture and imagined her with a pixie and I thought that is what Curie would look like. French actress Astrid Bergès-Frisbey.  
  
<https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjA3ODUyODkyMV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjIxOTUwNw@@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,749,1000_AL_.jpg>  
  
**Hancock:**  
I thought about Luke Evans, then Dominic Cooper, but then I saw this gif and that was it.

<https://68.media.tumblr.com/fc0ebe271c7de68aea01f2d389d1e0d3/tumblr_o9t6n5Ma1H1qd1s6no4_400.gif>  
  
**Sturges:**  
Originally I thought maybe Jake Gyllenhaal, but then Dominic Cooper's hair got epic and very Sturges-like.  
  
<http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdckg0Jzu11qmzknbo1_1280.jpg>  
  
**Ellie:**  
I don't remember where I ran into this picture, but I remember seeing her and thinking of Ellie.  
  
<http://www.108media.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/aiysha-hart-international-star.jpg>

**X6-88:  
** I saw this picture and thought Aldis Hodge would make a great X6.

<http://www.tvaholic.com/wp-content/gallery/leverage-s1-gallery/leverage_aldis-hodge-6_ph-michael-muller.jpg>

 

A few others that I thought about possibly - 

Desdemona - Gillian Anderson  
Tinker Tom - will.i.am  
Arturo - Gabriel Luna  
Porter Gage - Tom Hardy  
Mags Black - Emma Roberts  
William Black - Evan Peters  
Glory - Aisha Tyler  
Drummer Boy - Andrew Garfield  
Doc Carrington - Ioan Gruffudd  
Scribe Haylen - Deborah Ann Woll  
Fahrenheit - Natalya Rudakova  
Knight-Captain Cade - Mark Strong  
Lancer-Captain Kells - Isaiah Washington  
Proctor Ingram - Kerry O'Malley  
Proctor Teagan - Edward Norton  
Proctor Quinlan - Tim Roth  
Vadim/Yefim - A younger Elya Baskin  
Charlie (My Lone Wanderer) - Brooklyn Decker  
Butch - Sebastian Stan  
Sarah Lyons - Isabel Lucas  
Elder McNamara - Anderson Cooper

 

Okay, now an example of the way my mind works when I'm writing:

In Part 4 - Weak and Weary, Chapter 3...when Hancock decides to go with Audra, the song that came to mind for me was (My Type - Saint Motel)...but what I imagined in my head was much more flamboyant. There was a show called Blackpool and it had David Tennant and David Morrissey, I imagined Hancock doing a number like they do in that show. If you haven't ever seen it, it's amusing.

There are a lot more later in the story, shortly before dealing with the Institute, there is a really amazing and emotional scene with Deacon where Audra sings.

Or like when they go to take out the Institute, I had this dream about this really really epic scene with the music and the guys looking all badass as they flew in on vertibirds.

Sometime after the Institute is dealt with, there's a really fun sequence where the group essentially does karaoke to look forward to...

 

And I'm constantly listening to music and getting inspiration for different scenes, my playlist that I have on Spotify for the Suits is currently 380 songs strong and I have a scene to go with each and every one of those.

 

Soooo, yeah. There's a little peek into what I imagine when I'm writing. Next few chapters may take a little longer since I'm busy with work, but I'm trying!

 

<3


	3. Pretend It Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audra becomes the Silver Shroud and the guys worry she'd pushing herself too far. Deacon and Audra have an emotional moment before he goes to take care of Railroad business. The exhaustion catches up with Audra and Hancock and Mac fuss over her, the three ending up in bed.  
> Mac tells her about Duncan and they decide to head to Med-Tek to look for the cure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so yeahhhhhhh, I got like two hours of sleep because I got that scene in my head and had to write it down.  
> Hancock calls Mac kid, but it's not meant to be weird or creepy, it's just what he calls him, but just an FYI if that bothers you.
> 
>  
> 
> [Audra dress inspiration, but purple](https://www.instagram.com/p/rQSaeUh6JN/)  
> [Audra hairstyle inspiration](https://www.instagram.com/p/l8TLQZB6CW/)

'Did you hear the Silver Shroud has been cleaning up the scum around Goodneighbor?'  
  
'I heard the Shroud was that chick, the one from the vault.'  
  
'Yeah, but think about it, she was alive before the war...she has the outfit and the gun, what if she was the Shroud before?'  
  
'Man, you must be high, the Shroud was a guy before...'  
  
'Are you sure...'  
  
Deacon smirked and sunk back into the shadows before hearing the end of the conversation, pulling his hat down a little further.  
  
After they took care of the Gunners, they made for Goodneighbor, he and Bullseye slightly relieved when Charmer said she wanted to stay for a few days. She'd slept the night he held her hand, but she'd only gotten more and more anxious since then. When Bullseye asked what was up, she just shrugged him off, saying March, April, June, and October sucked. He tried to remember why they would be rough months, but he only knew about October and it was frustrating.  
It had to be something big, she was sleeping even less than he did most of the time, to the point that she'd allowed John to make her something so she could sleep the one night. The three of them piled into the one bed like they'd done it before and Deacon took the couch, but even then she was lucky to get 2-3 hours a night. She looked like she had a couple black eyes, the dark circles were so bad and she didn't want to eat, they were all worried about her.  
Audra being Audra just pushed on, driving herself too hard. When she'd heard the radio and went to talk with Kent, she happily accepted his crazy mission to go and clear Hubris, which then led to her becoming the Silver Shroud.  
She looked pretty amazing in the getup. She'd given him the key to Home Plate with instructions on some things to bring back, he got back and handed her the bag, smirking when John asked what the hell she was up to before disappearing into a storeroom.  
When she came out John nearly stabbed himself in the foot when he dropped the knife he was twirling, Fahr gave her a whistle, Mac was reduced to a stuttering mess, and he was right there with Mac flushing from his neck to the top of his bald head. He'd seen the dress before with her detective outfit, when she'd gone out with Valentine for New Year's Eve, but it was even better up close. She'd even done her makeup, the dark circles hidden and her lips the color of merlot. She gave them a twirl, then talked about going to have a cigarette and somehow managed to give everyone the slip.  
  
(Jessica Jones Main Title - Sean Callery)  
  
Charmer reappeared a few hours later and word came back that the Silver Shroud had taken out Wayne Delancy and AJ in the same night. When she reappeared, she was in normal clothing, looking no worse for wear and the Shroud costume was missing. John had laid into her a little bit over it and Bullseye frowned disapprovingly that she'd left without one of them, but he and Fahr knew there was no point because she would have done what she wanted regardless.  
  
The four of them had ended up drinking too much and apparently fell in an odd pile on the bed at the end of the night, Audra was actually sleeping with her head on his chest and an arm around his waist, John was spooned around her behind, Mac ended up spooned around him at some point. He woke up a few hours later feeling extremely out of place, not used to sleeping with others like this. Sure, they'd doubled up on the mattresses at HQ or the other safe houses sometimes, but it usually did not involve having a sleepy MacCready pressed against his ass or Chunk on his chest. At least he still had his glasses on. As much as he felt uncomfortable, he didn't have the heart to move and wake Audra, not when she needed the rest so badly. She woke a little after that, tilting her head to look up at him, catching him by surprise when she kissed him sleepily. Her voice was rough when she pulled back.  
  
'You okay? Need to extract yourself?'  
  
_How does she do that?_  
  
'Uh, yeah...not that the cuddles are bad...I'm just...not used to it.'  
  
She looked so sad it hurt him, helping him peel Bullseye off and pulling him to her as Deacon slid off the bed, she cuddled the merc for a while, but couldn't fall back asleep. Eventually extracting herself and joining him on the balcony for a cigarette. They'd been in Goodneighbor for three days now and he wondered how long she wanted to stay.  
  
Suddenly the rough scratch of her pipboy made them both jump.  
  
'This is a message for General Roberts, requesting the General report in on the secure channel.'  
  
'General Roberts, acknowledged, switching to secure channel.'  
  
He followed her in as she looked around with a frown, not wanting to wake anyone, eventually popping into the storage closet. He sat on some boxes as she leant against the wall.  
  
'This is General Roberts, answering a call to report to the secure channel.'  
  
'Quinn...good morning, you wouldn't have anything to do with the reports I'm getting involving the destruction of a Gunner outpost, would you?'  
  
'Arthur, how are you? Aren't you up early? And yes, that was me, one of my guys had some business to take care of with them.'  
  
'You're up early, as well. I was not expecting to hear from you right away. One of your guys...?'  
  
Deacon smirked at the young Elder's tone, Audra looked equally amused.  
  
'Oh yes Elder, you interrupted a wonderful orgy. How fast do you think you could get to Goodneighbor?'  
  
His jaw dropped and he could just imagine the look on the Elder's face.  
  
'Damn it, Quinn.'  
  
'Steel rod, darling...'  
  
Arthur huffed into the radio and Deacon looked at her curiously, trying to figure out what that was about.  
  
'Do I need to be concerned that you are taking on the Gunners and do you need assistance?'  
  
_Ah, there is it, Arthur wants to play the knight in shining armour..._  
  
He kind of wanted to ask Maxson what he knew about the Circle, but he didn't want to upset Audra. He hadn't seen anyone since they'd gotten back to Goodneighbor, but he'd let John and Fahr know that there was a threat against Audra to watch out for. In turn they told to Watch to keep an eye out, but had been clear so far.  
Audra finished her conversation with the young Maxson, telling him that she would visit at some point soon. Sinking down to the floor with a sigh, rubbing her eyes tiredly. He sat down next to her silently, wrapping an arm around her as she curled into him sleepily.  
How many times had they done this, fitting together so perfectly? They were both so comfortable, they must have dozed off. They woke up another few hours later, stiff and sore when Bullseye found them curled together on the floor. Mac gave him a look he couldn't quite interpret when he helped them up, Charmer telling him about her conversation with Maxson and getting another look from the young merc.  
  
_Some kind of history there, between Mac and Maxson..._  
  
She spent the day on the radio talking with Preston about Minutemen business, disappearing into the closet again to talk with Sturges, coming back a while later with puffy eyes and telling them that she wanted to go back to Sanctuary soonish. They'd gotten her to calm down then they noticed that somehow she'd managed to disappear again while they were setting up a poker game, hoping to distract her.  
  
So that's how he found himself sulking around an alley, trying to figure out where the hell she'd gone. The only reason he knew she'd been around was everyone was telling the story of how the Silver Shroud swooped into the Third Rail, spoke with Whitechapel Charlie, planted a good one on Magnolia and disappeared again. When he'd gone back upstairs and told John and Mac what they'd missed, the men looked close to tears.  
Fucking Charlie refused to divulge any information, even for his usual price, stating that he did not wish to get on the Shroud's bad side. He barely caught the movement out of the corner of his eye before finding a knife pressed to his throat.  
  
_When the fuck did she start getting that good?_  
  
He didn't know how the hell she managed to get in from the dead end alley and surprise him, raising his hands slowly and turning to face her.  
  
'It is not wise to seek out the Silver Shroud. With such evil enemies it might put the innocent in danger.'  
  
He smirked at her Shroud voice and started to make a wise-ass remark but stopped when he saw her face, lip bloodied and it looked like she was going to have one hell of a shiner.  
  
'Damn it, Charmer...what the hell have you been doing?'  
  
'The Mayor has called for the Shroud to come meet him.'  
  
She pulled the switchblade back and it disappeared somewhere in her get up, blinking at her in surprise, following her into the Statehouse. John and Bullseye were pissed again and he had to admit he was getting irritated when he found out she'd left Goodneighbor, worrying about what would happen if one of Cole's goons had found her.  
Once they'd all calmed down, John told them about Sinjin's men and she said she would take care of them, all the men telling her no, unless she took one or all of them with her. Charmer just rolled her eyes, making sure none of the Watch was on the floor with them before she just started stripping till she was down to her bra and panties, folding the costume and placing the hat on it. Disappearing into the bedroom to get some clothes.  
  
_Oh, that sneaky little shit._  
  
It took him a moment to realize she'd deliberately distracted them by stripping down, she wandered back in wearing a sports bra and some sweats, brushing her teeth before going to lie down. They could really see the weight she'd lost and it was weird, usually she was nice and soft, but she was looking leaner and while there was nothing wrong with that, he would have been less worried if he knew it had been intentional instead of the fact that she hadn't been eating right. John telling them that he had gotten word that she'd taken down Kendra before he put out the call for her to get her to come back.  
Deacon knew he couldn't lie down with everyone like that again tonight, feeling too closed in, mumbling a be back later to John before wandering off to check in. Dez was irritated that he had wandered off, so he threw her a bone, telling her about Charmer and Bullseye taking out some of the Gunner threats and that he'd been checking the deaddrops. By the time he got back to the Old Statehouse, it was late. John and Bullseye were curled around Charmer and Fahr was passed out on the other bed that was usually John's, so he wandered back over to the couch in the room that was Audra's room essentially.  
  
He lay there frowning, trying to think of what would be upsetting her so much, but kept drawing a blank, wondering if that was something Amari would be able to help with. He'd never really had a desire to actually use one of the pods, it was better to forget, but having Chunk here made him realise he'd forgotten so much...  
  
_Every man's memory is his private literature. (Aldous Huxley)_  
  
The quote popped in his head and he sighed, if that was the case then his library was lacking. He lay there for a little bit longer before giving up, realising it was going to be one of those nights and he wasn't going to be able to rest. Deacon wished he'd grabbed one of his books from HQ while he was there, wondering if Charmer had some on her bag. He got up to check when he realised her bag was not there, frowning and looking over at the bed, wondering if she'd moved it when he realised she was not there either.  
  
'God damn it.'  
  
He ran and grabbed his coat and bag, pulling them on as he ran out the Old State House and made for the entrance. He stepped through the door, figuring she'd be off to the Bunker Hill area, where Hancock said that Smiling Kate had been hanging out. Nearly fucking jumping out of his skin when there was a click behind him, spinning around and seeing her step out of the shadows in her full Shroud get up, smirking a little as she pocketed the lighter she just used and taking a long drag of her cigarette before speaking.  
  
(You're Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring)  
  
'Took you long enough, I've been waiting for a half an hour...I knew you'd be the first to realise and come. Let's go.'  
  
She started off and he followed, not really knowing what else to do short of tying her up and dragging her back, stopping in his tracks as his mind supplied a memory of her lying on a bed with her hands tied to the headboard above her head. She turned at the sound of his grunt, walking up to him, tilting her head back so she could see him from under the brim of her hat.  
  
'Later, maybe...'  
  
She smirked and brushed a finger along his jaw before turning, he grunted again, having to adjust himself so he could even walk. For someone with legs considerably shorter than his, she could really move when she wanted to, frowning when he realised they were coming up on Haymarket Mall.  
  
'Charmer...'  
  
'Shhh.'  
  
She pulled the fucking Shroud's submachine gun from her coat and sighted down it, picking off the two turrets he could see and he could hear the raiders scramble.  
  
'Leave now or face the wrath of the Silver Shroud!'  
  
He rolled his eyes and wondered if she actually thought that was going to work, moving off to the side in the shadow of the building and raising his rifle. As expected, he heard the raiders laugh and saw a few of them step out of their makeshift walls.  
Charmer stood there, weapon at her side but pointing down and a hand in her pocket, he wanted to yell at her to get her weapon up. There were three guys and one woman that stepped out and the gawked at her in her costume.  
  
'Well, you can fuck right off, Shroud.'  
  
'Miscreants shall be punished. This is your last chance, leave now or face judgement.'  
  
Deacon raised an eyebrow when he saw a few of the raiders take off walking, but the four that first came out still stood there and Charmer's weapon was still pointed at the ground. He didn't know what the hell her play was, but it was starting to make him nervous. She looked up at them from under her hat.  
  
'Okay, then.'  
  
He tensed as he heard the sound of silenced shots, but the raiders didn't have their weapons up either and he didn't immediately recognize where the shots were coming from, but suddenly the four were down and the remaining few raiders turned and started walking.  
  
'You should have left when I gave you the chance you poor sods.'  
  
He blinked and lowered his rifle, chasing after Audra as she started taking off, reaching out and grabbing her arm.  
  
'How the hell did you do that?'  
  
'Look down, babe.'  
  
He looked and blinked, just barely seeing the end of a suppressor peeking from the split in her jacket...Deliverer. She quirked an eyebrow at him and turned, moving to start walking again, making him huff and grab her arm again.  
  
'But how?'  
  
'VATS. Any other questions?'  
  
She gave him a smirk and when he didn't immediately answer she started moving again, waiting for him as he changed into something warmer quickly. She looked warm enough in her coat, but her legs had to be freezing. They moved fast and took out Smiling Kate and Northy and even though she was exhausted looking and it was light out by then, she practically ran back to Goodneighbor when they heard the scuffle on the radio, bursting into the Memory Den and scaring the hell out of Irma. After Irma told them what happened with Sinjin, she was off again, John and Bullseye catching them outside.  
  
'Where the fuck have you been?'  
  
'Later, John. You can come if you want, but I'm going to go get Kent back right now.'  
  
John looked at her and then him, throwing his hands up and huffing.  
  
'Fine, let's go.'  
  
The four of them quickly made their way to Milton General and Charmer tore through the raiders, he wasn't sure about John and Bullseye, but he was feeling slightly unnecessary for this one. Soon enough she was staring down Sinjin, mad enough and scary enough that she convinced the others to abandon their former leader. They watched in silence as Audra pulled the same move on Sinjin that he saw her do on the raiders, dying a swift death before he could even harm Kent again. His heart swelled as she comforted the old ghoul and he knew the man would eventually come around.  
  
Hancock helped Kent and they started back for Goodneighbor. He was talking weapons with MacCready when he realised Charmer wasn't walking next to them anymore, grabbing Bullseye's arm and looking around frantically. When Bullseye figured out what was up, he started looking around, as well, telling John as Deacon ran back down the road.  
He heard her before he found her, hiding in John's warehouse, curled up in a corner sobbing. He dropped down next to her and pulled her onto his lap, pushing her hat off so he could run his fingers through her hair and rock her. Mac found them only a few minutes later, sitting at his side and holding Audra's hand. She told them about how she just wanted to make Kent happy, blaming herself for him getting hurt.  
  
'Oh shut up about that.'  
  
Both he and Charmer blinked at Bullseye's tone and he flushed a bit but continued firmly.  
  
'He asked you to do it. He was messing with dangerous people but they're dead now and maybe Kent will realise it's not all a comic. It is not your fucking fault in the slightest, so shut up about that, idiot.'  
  
Charmer snorted a little, which turned into a giggle, then a full on laugh as she climbed over onto Mac's lap and wrapped herself around him in a tight hug. Deacon stared at MacCready over the top of his glasses, Mac looking away first, and he began to understand a little more.  
  
_He loves her, but something is stopping him. Just like it did with Val._  
  
He called her an idiot with such affection in his voice, somehow idiot had always turned into a term of endearment for Chunk and it looked like Mac picked that up from her, there was no doubt in his mind that MacCready loved Audra. He just hoped he didn't hurt her the way Valentine had (and still was to be honest). He knew the former Gunner had family back in the Capital Wasteland, that he was always sending money back that way, but he never talked about them. Frowning a little, if the kid had a wife or something back home and was messing with Audra like that, he would kick his ass. Sighing and standing, tired and achy and more than ready for some sleep. He picked Audra up and helped her onto his back, piggybacking her like they used to do when they were young. The three of them sighed when her pipboy went off.  
  
'Radiation storm rolling in, everyone make sure to check your Geiger counters.'  
  
Audra flipped over to the secure channel and they listened in, the call to head back to HQ making them sigh even more.  
  
'Go back to Goodneighbor, I'll go see what Dez wants.'  
  
'Dee...'  
  
'No, you need to rest. I'll go deal with whatever it is and be back after a bit.'  
  
'You need to rest too...'  
  
He couldn't keep the guilty look off of his face as she slid down, moving in front of him. He stepped back before she could do anything, accepting the look of hurt she gave him, but if she did something like kiss or hug him then he wouldn't want to go.  
  
'I'll take a nap at HQ and deal with whatever, trust me, I'll be back in a jiffy.'  
  
He gave them his best grin and turned, practically running. He looked over his shoulder, just barely able to see them before he disappeared into the crumbling city, Mac was piggybacking her now and it looked like she was crying against his shoulder.  
  
_You should have run away before she knew it was you._  
  
-  
  
MacCready sat on the bed, worried, looking down at her. They'd gotten back to Goodneighbor late and Hancock went and got Kent all taken care of while Fahr helped him get Queenie changed and into bed.  
After Deacon had left them, she'd broken down again and eventually fell asleep as he carried her, he was tired and achy but kept going until he got her back to Goodneighbor, Sully having to help carry her upstairs. She'd slept the night and day away, everything finally catching up with her, it'd been almost twenty-four hours and she was still out.  
  
'Whatcha thinking about so hard?'  
  
'Worrying about you, you've been out like twenty hours...'  
  
'Tired...feel better now...hungry.'  
  
'Well, lets go get some food. Hancock is down in the Rail.'  
  
'Okay, let me clean up and I'll meet you down there in a few? Order me something?'  
  
'Okay, but please, don't run off...'  
  
'I promise.'  
  
He leant over and kissed her softly, grabbing his hat before wandering down, figuring he didn't need his warm hat or jacket just to go downstairs. Hancock waved him over when he walked in the VIP room, flopping down on the couch after John kicked his groupies out.  
  
'Kid, how ya doing?'  
  
Mac just shrugged, watching the door impatiently.  
  
'She finally up?'  
  
Mac nodded when John's voice went serious, turning around to face him.  
  
'Yeah, she promised she would come down, said she was hungry...need to get her some food.'  
  
'Sit tight and I'll get her something.'  
  
John handed his mostly full beer over and Mac took a swig with a little sigh, rolling his shoulders and listening to Magnolia, little by little letting himself relax now that she was up. He didn't know how to feel worrying about someone again, he cared for her, but with all that she did...he didn't know what he would do if she was hurt again or worse...he didn't know if he could survive losing someone again. Sighing and pulling hard from the beer, missing his boy.  
Duncan was going to be four in a few months, if he made it that long and MacCready thought about asking Audra to help him...but didn't want her to put herself in danger either, sighing and looking at the floor as he peeled a long faded label off the bottle. Remembering Duncan before he got sick, he was skinny as a rail even then, but full of energy and mischief. Mac would do just about anything to get that little boy back, but he didn't know if he could risk her for it...maybe when they first met he could have just asked her, but now that he knew her and knew she was trying to get to her own son...  
Hancock wandered back in with a couple plates of InstaMash and squirrel bits, shoving one at him and setting the other one down, wandering back out before returning with some more beer and a bottle of whisky with Fahrenheit trailing behind him. They were talking about some of the work they were going to start soon, part of the clean up that Queenie had suggested, looking up when John stopped talking mid-sentence.  
  
Queenie was standing at the door and she looked...beautiful, even with the black eye she was sporting. She was pulling off the jacket she got from friggin Maxson, but underneath was a purple flowery dress. It was too loose now, but still pretty and she had her hair down. She usually had it up or pulled back and it was longer now, soft and wavy.  
  
_I wonder if this is what she looked like before the war..._  
  
'You're looking better, sunshine.'  
  
'I feel a little better, how's Kent?'  
  
'It'd take more than that to take out the old guy, he'll be okay.'  
  
Audra smiled a little, leaning over and giving John a peck before sitting next to him on the couch and accepting the offered plate. They ate and talked about plans and she looked better little by little, after they finished with food they had a couple shots before switching to beer. Audra was just a little tipsy and finding everything amusing and it made him grin, happy to see her smile again. Shaking his head as she tried to pull him up to dance.  
  
'No way.'  
  
'Pleaseeeee Mac? Dance with me, it will be fun!'  
  
(Cheap Thrills - Sia)  
  
He would deny it later if she asked, but he kinda had fun dancing with her. Magnolia was taking a break, so they were playing some of the music Audra had found and it was easy to dance and sway to. John and Mac laughed as Queenie drug Fahr up with her, teaching the younger woman some moves. John smirked as he stood up, grabbing Audra's hand, giving her a spin, dipping her and planting a big kiss on her. She was blushing and breathless, smacking the ghoul on the shoulder and Mac couldn't help but laugh, usually she was the one causing that kind of reaction and he remembered what Deacon had said about her being shy before. It was an interesting contrast, looking at her next to John, soft and smooth against his rough looking skin. His chuckled died out when Queenie and Magnolia started dancing together, light and dark, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. John had his arms on the back of the couch, watching with the ladies with a shit eating grin, clapping when Audra kissed the other woman before Magnolia had to go start singing again.  
Audra curled up at his side, smiling, cheeks pink, looking the best she had since before they found the Railroad. She leant into him and he nearly groaned, she smelled good and she was so soft and they hadn't done anything since they'd dealt with Winlock and Barnes.  
  
'Robert...'  
  
He couldn't stop the shudder from crawling up his spine at her soft breathy whisper. Grabbing her hand, John laughing when Mac started dragging her out, calling after them.  
  
'Lemme know if you need any help with her kid, more than happy to oblige.'  
  
Mac didn't stop till he had her in her room, closing the doors and pushing her back against the bed, yanking the dress off of her with a groan.  
  
'Need you.'  
  
'Ohhh god Robert, please?'  
  
He was reminded of their first time together at the Rex, flinging his clothes off, needing her now. She'd pulled off her bra and panties while he undressed and he picked her up with a groan, slamming himself into her hard. She squealed sweetly as he sat her on the edge of the bed and started thrusting.  
  
'Fuck...so good Queenie...'  
  
'Ohhh god Robert, love. Don't stop, please don't stop.'  
  
Audra whined and bucked against him, making up for his pause when she called him love. She'd said she loved him before, but it was still a surprise. Groaning and leaning down, kissing her long and deep. It didn't take them long till he was pulling back, spilling all over her stomach, gasping and falling face first into the bed next to her. Laughing when John pounded on the door, finding Queenie something to wipe herself up with, pulling his pants back on and opening up.  
  
'Fuck you're loud, need to get my stash in the dresser.'  
  
'Mmmm and here I just thought you wanted to see me naked again, John.'  
  
They both turned at the sound of Audra's voice, practically a purr, lounging on the bed...still naked and well fucked looking, smirking at them and Mac flushed, wanting her again. He couldn't help chuckle, John had gone very still next to him, eyes locked on the bed and he knew the ghoul was just as turned on as he was.  
  
'Jesus fucking Christ sunshine, you're gonna kill me...'  
  
MacCready looked at how John looked at her, then back to Audra, who still looked blissed out from her orgasms and raised an eyebrow. She'd told him about being with the two men and he had to admit he'd been thinking about her and Deacon a fair amount since then...but he didn't know or trust the guy any further than he could throw him. He knew John though and he knew where John and Audra stood. He thought he should feel jealous or something, but he just remembered how they'd looked downstairs and was curious. Even after the initial shock, it hadn't really bothered him when she'd gone off to see Sturges, now that he thought about it. He'd been with girls and he'd been with a few guys, but never at the same time...if he was going to ever be in a relationship with Audra, there was a high likelihood of something like that and he would rather see how he felt about it with someone he trusted then to fumble into it blindly.  
  
'Maybe you should go wipe that smirk off her face, Mayor...'  
  
Both Audra and John turned and looked at him with wide eyes and he just grinned and shrugged, pushing his pants down and hopping back in bed, pulling the sheet over himself.  
  
-  
  
John blinked as suddenly he was presented with bare MacCready ass, the kid climbing into the bed next to Audra and sunshine looked just as shocked as he was, beginning to wonder if he got a bad batch of something...but he hadn't had anything yet, he'd come into the room to get his stash and tease the pair for being loud. Instead he was standing there painfully hard, trying to figure out what to say.  
Audra recovered before he did, scooting over to sit between Mac's legs, leaning back against his chest as the kid wrapped his arms around her. She looked at him, taking her time, starting at his boots and slowly climbing till they reached his hat and the ghoul fought the urge to fidget. Turning and closing the doors, just standing there looking at them.  
  
_Hot damn she's fucking sexy. Mac's not bad for a fucking beanpole either._  
  
'I dunno about that kid, not that I wouldn't be game, like I said earlier...but the lil lady is still riding high from her orgasm looks like and I'd want her to be sure before we did anything.'  
  
'And if I said I was sure, John? I'm not in love with you, not like that, we talked about it already but I do find you sexy and you're one of my closest friends. Like I said, if we ever had sex, we might kill each other or it might be the greatest ever...'  
  
'Things have been emotional for you lately, sunshine. If we did this, we'd need some ground rules...same goes for you, kid.'  
  
'We can talk rules...all I know is Queenie has talked about how much she'd enjoyed being with two guys at the same time. I think Deacon or Sturges would be down, but I don't know them. I'd rather try it with someone I trusted the first time, man.'  
  
Hancock stood there, surprisingly touched by his trust and looked back at Audra. She ran down a list of her no's and some of the things she was okay with, running down a quick history of her encounters. Then Mac went through his list and John gave them a quick rundown, as well, agreeing that condoms would be a necessity. Both of them would also need some Rad-X before and RadAway after, just in case.  
  
'If we do this, you say stop and I stop...both of you. No hard feelings. You're my pals, but you're both fucking hotter than hell right now and I will fucking admit that I would love nothing more than to fuck the shit out of you tonight.'  
  
Audra looked up at Mac and John felt himself twitch as he watched them kiss before they looked back at him.  
  
'Come to bed, John...'  
  
He held up a finger, grabbing some condoms and a little thing of lube, setting them on the table. Then grabbing the Rad-X from his stash, handing some to each of them along with a tin of water, heading back to the door and popping his head out. Fahr was in the other room and he could see the top of Sully's head on the stairs.  
  
'No one is to fucking knock on this door unless it's the coming of the second fucking apocalypse, ya dig? Might want to get some earplugs.'  
  
He couldn't help but smirk as he closed the doors and locked them, turning to look back at the bed, feeling high just from the fucking anticipation. He'd thought about her since she first walked into his town, but after their little heart to heart he never thought this was going to happen.  
  
(Earned It - The Weeknd)  
  
John strode up to the bed, taking his time, standing there at the side of the bed closest to them. It was his turn to look her up, reaching out and pinching a nipple as his eyes moved over the rings, drawing a whimper out of her. She was biting her lip and looking at him, slightly surprised that her eyes were open and watching him, figuring it might be too much for her the first time being with a ghoul. But fuck, there was such heat in her eyes, he figured he could probably fucking smash concrete he was so bloody hard. Looking at Mac over her shoulder and the kid's eyes were so fucking blue and focused on John's fingers, watching as he pulled on one of the rings.  
  
'Hmmmm like a little pain, sunshine? I thought so...saw you with all those bites after Sturges...saw the way he moved after...you scratch him? Answer me.'  
  
He punctuated it with another tug, grinning at the gasp she gave him.  
  
'Yes, get so excited...sometimes can't help it...try to be careful, Mac doesn't like the scratching.'  
  
'Well, if you need to, you can scratch me tonight, okay sunshine?'  
  
'Yes, John.'  
  
Fuck that sounded so good and he reached out, winking at the kid as he grabbed a fistful of hair, dragging her forward and kissing her hard. His other hand brushing over Mac's leg to get between hers, feeling how fucking soaked she was.  
  
'Oh yeah, she likes that kid, fucking drenched...you taste her yet? I bet she tastes as good as she looks, I can't wait to find out.'  
  
'Yeah, it's so good...she gets so wet...made her squirt before, that's so fucking hot, man.'  
  
Hancock was wrong when he thought he couldn't get any harder, groaning and pushing her back against MacCready.  
  
'Lie back against Mac's chest again, sunshine. Mac, hold her arms and don't let her move...both of you spread your legs.'  
  
He took his hat off and set it on the dresser, kicking off his boots and moving to climb on the bed.  
  
'John?'  
  
'Yeah, sunshine?'  
  
His stomach clenched, worried she was going to tell him to stop, that it was too much. Shocked at her next words.  
  
'Undress, darling...get comfortable, please?'  
  
'You don't want to see more than this mug. Never wish that on anyone I cared for.'  
  
'Please, John...I want to see you, I want to feel you pressing against me, skin to skin.'  
  
_God damn this woman..._  
  
'Okay, sunshine.'  
  
He hesitated a moment but started pulling off his jacket, setting it on the nearby chair, when they didn't protest he went ahead and took his shirt off and laid it aside. He looked up, expecting them to be disgusted or at the very least uncomfortable, he usually preferred to leave his stuff on for a fuck. He knew to some of the chickies it was a novelty, fucking a ghoul in power like him, but they never wanted to see more of him than necessary.  
None of the heat had left her eyes as she leant forward and MacCready was just smirking again, still leaning back, the rise of the sheet giving away how excited the kid was.  
  
'You keep smirking like that kid and I'm gonna have to wipe it off your face too.'  
  
'Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try, old man.'  
  
Ever since MacCready had started hanging around Goodneighbor and they'd become acquainted, it was a running thing between them, joking about their age difference when Mac had called him old man, so he responded by calling him kid to get a rise out of him and it just kinda stuck. He'd tried watching out for the kid, tough as he thought he was, but he'd never looked at him that way till this moment. He was certainly hiding something impressive under the sheet and there was something about the cocky little shit. John could see why Audra was in love with him.  
John reached out and moved Audra so she was sitting on his left, Mac on his right, as he faced the bed. Leaning over, kissing Audra's shoulder softly as he reached out, wrapping a fist around the kid over the sheet and giving him a slow pump. Sunshine was watching his hand and he grinned as he got both of them moaning. Letting the kid go and pushing Audra back between his legs.  
  
'Back to what I was going for earlier...'  
  
He loosened the flag he wore as a belt slowly and dropped his pants, hard and pointing out at a slight angle, catching Audra's mouth in a kiss after she licked her lips.  
  
'Maybe later, sunshine, but right now it's my turn.'  
  
John sunk down between their spread legs eagerly, sliding his hands under her ass and lifting a little, turning her hips up. She was panting and squirming so sweetly, already close from the sound of it and he ran his tongue along her slit. Groaning at her taste and pushing his face against her, shaking his head as he let his tongue whip against her clit. He reached around, finding one of Mac's hands and moving it up to Audra's tits, grinning against her as the kid moved both hands to cup her tits while he continued to lick her. Audra was squirming against them and he sat back, very lightly flicking her clit with a finger tip.  
  
'Uh uh uh sunshine...you lay back, hold her, Mac. I'm gonna make her cum hard.'  
  
He didn't wait for them, dropping back down and diving in eagerly, groaning as the head of his cock brushed against the bed. He wanted to fucking slide in her right now, but he wanted her to cum first also. Taking a long lap from her sexy ass to her clit, groaning at her reaction to that, rolling his eyes up and looking at her as he pushed her up further on Mac's chest. She was pretty much laying on Mac as John pushed her legs up, her knees almost to her chest, the kid holding her around her waist now. John groaned and tugged the sheet from between them, Mac's cock bobbing as it popped out, the head pressing against Audra's ass. God damn, he was hung, not thick but long. John growled a little, leaning back down and licking a long stripe up the kid's cock before moving back to lick at Audra's ass. Chuckling as Mac groaned and Audra let out a loud whine, thrashing. He reached up to help hold her hips still, swirling his tongue around her, moving one hand in and slowly sliding a finger in her.  
  
'Oh she fucking likes that...such a sweet little ass, sunshine. I bet it'd look really good with Mac's nice long cock buried in it...'  
  
John chuckled as Audra came hard around his finger, rubbing his thumb around her little asshole, smearing it with her juices and pushing it in a little, setting her off again. He let go of her, reaching over to the nightstand and grabbing one of the condoms, sliding it down over his length with a moan.  
John moved so he was sitting at Mac's side and reached for her, kissing her deeply as he guided her to straddle his lap.  
  
'Fuck, sunshine...so fucking hot for us right now, come 'ere and get on my cock. I need to feel that sweet pussy on me. You ever play with someone's ass, kid? You ever fuck someone in the ass? She might not be ready for that yet, but I bet you could get a finger in that nice tight ass and really get her off.'  
  
Hearing her moan his name was maybe the sweetest fucking thing he'd ever heard as he pushed her down onto his cock slowly. He wasn't as long as the kid, but he knew he was no fucking slouch in the size department and she was so fucking tight around him. Jesus, she was gonna make him cum way too soon. Groaning and bucking up hard, sinking the rest of the way in her. He felt the head of his cock hit inside her and he reached up, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at him.  
  
'You good, sunshine?'  
  
Her eyes were glassy and unfocused, staying still till they tracked on him and she leant forward, kissing him hard.  
  
'Oh god yes John...please Mac...please behind me...'  
  
Hancock kept his eyes on her face when he thrust up again hard, hips snapping, looking for any sign of pain. When she just looked blissful he started fucking her in earnest, knowing he wasn't going to last long, but if he had his fucking way he was going to cum and keep going till he was hard again and fuck their brains out. Before Mac could move away, John grabbed his arm, tugging him over questioningly. When he leaned in John kissed him hard, the kid's goatee tickling as he swiped his tongue against the other man's, letting him taste her juices on his tongue.  
Audra was watching them, biting her lip as she rocked on his cock sweetly. Letting go of Mac's mouth and kissing her hard, her lips might be bruised tomorrow, but he saw how she loved it. Taking her lower lip into his mouth and giving it a little suck before nipping down, savoring how she fucking clenched around him when he did that. He let go of her mouth, grabbing her by her hair again and moving it out of the way so he could bite her neck hard. Crying out against her neck, almost going over the edge with that squeeze.  
Audra stiffened and John knew Mac had started teasing her, pulling her forward against his chest, trying to looking down over her back to see what was going on. John nodded to the table and Mac grabbed the lube he'd set out, getting a bit on his finger and rubbing circles around her ass.  
John groaned and started thrashing as he filled the condom, bucking against her. Audra tried to move and he just lifted her up, pulling of the condom and grabbing another quickly, dropping her back on his cock before he could soften. There was a fucking reason he had a reputation with the ladies in Goodneighbor and he was gonna fucking live up to that for his sunshine and give her a fucking night to remember.  
  
'Mmm god damn, how you doing kid, you need some attention? Audra has a beautiful mouth here that would look fucking amazing wrapped around that cock, man.'  
  
He grinned as the younger man groaned, lifting Audra and having her turn to ride him reverse cowgirl. Getting a bit of lube on the one hand, playing with her ass as the other hand held her hair, guiding her head down to Mac's dick. He used her hair to thrust her mouth up and down, pushing her forward slowly till she started gagging a little, then pushing just a bit further to see how much she could take. His eyes widened as she closed her eyes and pushed herself down till the kid's entire dick was down her throat.  
  
'Fucking-A that is fucking amazing, sunshine. You look so fucking good stuffed with our cocks, baby. Is this what you wanted, you wanted to be taken? Oh I'll bet you can't fucking wait to have Deacon doing this to you. God damn...'  
  
She throbbed around him and he rocked, letting go of her hair and letting her control sucking Mac. Grinning at the other man devilishly as he started pushing his slick finger in her ass slowly. There was less resistance than he expected and he shuddered, wondering if they could take her that way.  
Now John had done many things in his years, but it was a rare treat to have someone so willing to be so thoroughly fucked and the thought excited him even more. Pulling his finger out and adding a little more lube before working two inside her.  
He pumped and scissored his fingers in her, getting her nice and ready.  
  
'Audra, listen to me, babe. Focus, sunshine.'  
  
He lifted her off Mac's cock and turned her head to look at him over her shoulder.  
  
'Do you want Mac to fuck your ass?'  
  
'God yes.'  
  
John groaned and Mac's eyes went wide, lifting her and turning her to face him again, kissing her softly, sweetly.  
  
'You want him to fuck your ass while I'm in your sweet cunt?'  
  
'Yes, John...'  
  
'MMmm such a good fucking girl. Mac...you want this too?'  
  
At the man's dazed nod, John continued.  
  
'Okay, get nice and slicked up...she's warmed up, but go slow...she's so fucking tight. You never done this, right? It's gonna be tight, you're gonna feel me pressing inside her so you gotta give her time to adjust. Tell me when your lined up.'  
  
When the younger man was in position, John lay back on the pillows and pulled Audra down to his chest, kissing her deeply and making a motion, her moans muffled against his mouth as Mac started working himself into her. John distracted her with kisses and bites, trying not to fucking buck up, feeling the press of Mac's cock against the thin wall separating them. Occasionally telling Mac to hold still and they sat there for a minute, giving her time, Audra was whimpering and gasping.  
She turned those gorgeous chocolate eyes on him and it hit him hard, the amount of trust the both of them had for him, sharing this with him. Crying out when she suddenly thrust back against Mac, driving him all the way, feeling the kid's balls slapping against his own.  
  
'Jesus fucking Christ, sunshine, don't hurt yourself.'  
  
'Not hurt....ohh god need more...fucking fuck me already.'  
  
'OHhh fuck Audra...you're ass feels so good....fuck John...I can feel....oohh god...'  
  
She pushed her hands against his chest, caressing the scarred flesh as she thrust back on them harder and faster. The room smelled like sweat and sex with a slight acrid tang and John groaned, bucking up at her as Mac started thrusting and soon they got into a rhythm...sometimes filling her at the same time, other times alternating their thrusts so she always had one cock in her.  
Audra leant down and kissed him again before sitting up a little, she looked at Mac with such love that he felt a little jealous, but he couldn't feel too bad. She was fucking amazing and she deserved to be fucking happy and he was goddamn lucky to get this little bit of helping her and to be able to fuck her was a god damn blessing.  
Audra screamed their names as she came and Mac was fucking right, it was amazing as she came, squirting all over his cock. He could hear Mac groaning and he let himself go, calling out for her as he came harder then he ever fucking had in his life up to that point.  
  
John became vaguely aware of how hard it was to breathe, Audra was lying on his chest and Mac was draped over back, gasping for air.  
  
'You're gonna have to lift off, kid and get something to clean yourself and Audra...okay? Hey, Mac, okay?'  
  
The younger man huffed at him, but did as John said and he cuddled Audra as she whimpered when Mac slid out of her, rubbing a hand up and down her back slowly.  
  
'So fucking good, sweetheart. You did good. You feel okay?'  
  
'MMmm tingly...we didn't kill each other....and it rates up there with the best ever...'  
  
She grinned at him, still kinda dazed and he couldn't help but laugh, kissing her between chuckles. Mac came back after cleaning himself and wiped Audra up before slowly lifting her off John, rocking her in his arms with a soft kiss. He laid her down, handing a damp rag to John and he cleaned himself up, moaning happily in surprise when Mac planted a kiss on him, smirking at the younger man when he pulled back.  
  
'Guess she wasn't the only one who liked it. So, kid...swinging for both teams too? Maybe later we can see how you do bent over the bed later or maybe while you're filling our sweet girl. Mmmmm damn, I'd love to feel you cum on my cock as you filled her.'  
  
Grinning when the younger man blushed furiously, but didn't protest the idea, his cock twitching a bit.  
  
_Jesus, what a fucking night._  
  
-  
  
Mac groaned a little, waking up and shifting, muscles aching from the wonderful abuse they'd been put through. Stopping moving when he realised why he woke up, Queenie whimpering and talking in her sleep, his chest wet with her tears.  
  
'No, Shaun...I'm sorry Nate...where's my baby, you asshole! Give me back my son! Nick...Nick, no!'  
  
Mac shook her gently after a few minutes as she started to get loud, Hancock still snoring away on the other side of the bed.  
  
'Come on Queenie, wake up, it's just a dream...Queenie!'  
  
(Bad Dream - Ruelle)  
  
He groaned as she punched his side, trying to breathe as she started waking up, eyes going wide and fussing over him.  
  
'Oh god, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Mac...did I get you hard?'  
  
'S'okay...just...my side. You were dreaming...you okay?'  
  
He brushed the tears off her cheeks and kissed her softly, pulling her snug against his side. He hated when she dreamt about Shaun, she always seemed so lost afterwards and he knew it bothered her well after she woke up.  
  
'Dreaming about Kellogg...I would kill that man a hundred times if I had to. In my dream I didn't save Nick...I wish he would talk to me.'  
  
'Valentine is a fuc...friggin idiot, but we can go to Diamond City if you want to.'  
  
Audra chuckled at him, kissing softly.  
  
'Who'd you promise?'  
  
Mac sighed and kissed the top of her head, finding her hand and lacing his fingers with hers.  
  
'When I left the Capital Wasteland, I didn't just leave Little Lamplight behind... I left my family behind.'  
  
He felt her stiffen, but carried on, looking at a spot on the wall across from them.  
  
'Had a beautiful wife named Lucy... and a son we named Duncan. He's the one that I made my promise to... a promise to clean up my act and to be a better person. I guess that sounds pretty stupid coming from a guy who shoots people for a living.'  
  
His heart pounded as he looked down and she looked at him seriously, but she wasn't jerking away or angry, she looked concerned.  
  
'You must have had a good reason to leave them behind.'  
  
'That's what I keep telling myself. My son... he's sick. I don't know what's wrong with him. One day, he's playing out in the fields behind our farm... the next he took a fever and these blue boils popped up all over his body. Last I saw he was almost to weak to walk. I didn't dare ask him to come with me. Honestly, I don't know how much longer he's going to last.'  
  
'Blue boils?'  
  
'Yeah...it was horrible...'  
  
'It...it sounds like what they were calling the New Plague. A few years after I was born, I guess there was this disease that broke out in Colorado. The US closed it's borders and they quarantined the area, but it still killed like two hundred thousand people...I guess the military eventually tried reclaiming some of the bases in the area, but I never heard what happened with that. West-Tek was trying to find something to stop the New Plague, but they got into big trouble in Feburary 2077 when some of their research documents were released...Which I found out later that it was the FEV...'  
  
'The shit that makes super mutants? They made that?'  
  
'Yeah, apparently they were doing all kinds of shady research with the government...that's how Roger ended up forming the Brotherhood of Steel...I read their histories and Roger and dad...they took care of the scientists after they found out what was going on. But all that shit was still at the military base and the rest is history. The Institute has samples of it...Virgil, the scientist that told us about the teleporter...he's a super mutant right now, he did it to himself so he could survive the radiation. His strain is from the original one from my time, I guess. They must have gotten it from West-Tek or something. There must be something we can do.'  
  
His heart swelled hearing the concern in her voice, squeezing her tight and kissing the top of her head again.  
  
'I was hoping you'd say that. A few months before we met, I bumped into a guy named Sinclair who claimed his buddy caught some kind of a disease. I thought he was wasting my time until he said his partner broke out in blue boils. They dug up information about a cure at a place called Med-Tek Research. They even managed to grab the building's lockdown security codes. Unfortunately, Sinclair's buddy died before they were able to break into the facility. I mean, there's no way that's a coincidence, right? Med-Tek has to be the place.'  
  
'Don't give up hope. If there's a cure, we'll find it. If we can't find it there then I'll go fucking talk to Virgil again and see what he knows...we'll figure this out.'  
  
'Thanks, Queenie. I'll put Med-Tek Research on your map. When you're ready, just take us out there... I have all of the codes we need to get through their security. What you're doing... no one's ever cared that much about me before. Even if it takes me the rest of my life... I'll repay this debt to you, I swear it.'  
  
Audra reached up, cupping his face and kissing him deeply and he worried, she looked so sad as she pulled away.  
  
'Nothing to repay, love. We'll find it and get Duncan better and reunite you with your family...we should sleep, we can leave in the morning after we get supplies.'  
  
Mac fell asleep eventually, holding her tight in his arms and for the first time in a long, long time he felt hope and it was all because of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /fans self
> 
> I'm a horrible person and I love it.


	4. The Time That Is Given Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audra helps Mac get the cure for Duncan. Mac tries to show Audra how he feels, but can't get himself to say the words. Mac and Audra find the Combat Zone and end up leaving with Cait in tow. The trio stop at Diamond City for the night and Audra ends up having a big bbq/party, catching up with everyone...Audra gives Nick another chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mods Referenced:  
> Aloot's Home Plate  
> Home Plate Exterior Revamped

Mac blinked at the phial she placed in his hands, looking up at him.  
  
'We did it... holy crap, we actually did it! We just gave Duncan a fighting chance to live. I don't know how I'll ever be able to pay you back for this... I owe you big time.'  
  
'All I care about is curing your son.'  
  
'I know you do. I'm just getting tired of taking instead of giving. Maybe one day I'll learn to get my priorities straight.'  
  
Audra pulled him down by his scarf, kissing softly, sweetly. Giving his cheek a caress before letting go.  
  
'You take what you need to to make sure you're good and Duncan is good. I'll always be here for you.'  
  
MacCready frowned, she looked all serious and he didn't know what was up, he was elated about the cure but worried about her.  
  
'Anyway, the last step ahead of us is getting the cure to Daisy in Goodneighbor. With her caravan contacts, she's the only one I trust to get this to Duncan on time. This is the last favor I'm going to ask, I promise.'  
  
Audra looked surprised, turning to face him.  
  
'I thought you'd want to take it to him, to go see your family...'  
  
'I told you I would watch your back, I can't leave. Everything's going to be alright, as long as we stick together.'  
  
She smiled and started heading for the exit, Mac reaching out and grabbing her hand.  
  
'Hold up... I think we need to talk.'  
  
'I hope nothing's wrong.'  
  
'Wrong? No... not at all. I figure I owe you something... and I always pay my debts. No, don't shake your head at me Queenie, I mean it...here...I wanted you to have this.'  
  
He pressed the little toy soldier into her hand and she looked up at him curiously, fingers running over the little carving.  
  
'I know a carved toy soldier is a strange reward for risking your life, but this one's special... it means a lot to me.'  
  
'If it's special to you, then it's a thoughtful gift. Thank you.'  
  
'You're welcome. Just be sure you don't lose it. My wife Lucy gave this to me right after we met. I... I uh, told her I was a soldier and she made it for me. Never could bring myself to tell her the truth... that I was just a hired killer. The soldier story was the best thing I could come up with. I didn't want to lose her because of what I was.'  
  
'Robert...I'm sure you had good intentions.'  
  
'I had a feeling you'd get where I was coming from.'  
  
He was doing a crap job at explaining things, sighing and getting frustrated. Yanking her to him and kissing softly, cupping her face and not letting her turn away.  
  
'It doesn't really matter anymore... she died a few years back. We made the mistake of holing up in a metro station one night. We didn't know that the place was infested with ferals. They were on her before I could even fire a shot. Ripped her apart right in front of me. There was nothing I could do. Took everything I had to escape with Duncan in my arms. Maybe it would have been better if we'd died there with her.'  
  
He saw the tears welling up in her eyes and he felt them coming, as well, hugging her tight and resting his chin on top of her head. Her voice was rough when she spoke to him.  
  
'You may have lost your wife, but you saved your son. That counts for something. You've saved me too since then...it's better that you're here, much much better.'  
  
'Maybe. I don't know anymore. Damn, I miss Lucy. No matter how bad things got, she was always there with a shoulder to lean on. It gave me... well, it gave me the courage I needed to press ahead... to never give up. When she died, I thought that feeling was gone forever...Then I met you. You have the world's problems on your back and here you are helping me with mine... lending me your shoulder like Lucy did. I just want you to know how much your friendship means to me.'  
  
(There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back - Shawn Mendes)  
  
She just clung to him and Mac sighed, worrying that he was just making things worse. Kissing the top of her head, finding her hand and lacing her fingers with his. He wanted to tell her, but he was still scared. He could lose her and he didn't know how to deal with that, but he would do everything that he could to pay her back and make sure that didn't happen.  
  
'I don't know what I'm going to do yet, I just want Duncan to get better after that then I think I can think about things some more. Is that okay? I hope that doesn't jeopardize our friendship, but knowing you like I do, I'm betting it won't. For once in my life, everything's going right and I have you to thank for it. I don't think anyone in the world could ask for a greater gift than that. Thank you.'  
  
Audra gave him a soft smile, but her eyes were sad and he felt like the biggest asshole there ever was. Tugging his hand as she made for the exit.  
  
'Come on, let's go see Daisy.'  
  
-  
  
Daisy was overjoyed for him when they got back the next day and told her the news, Audra excusing herself to go talk with the Minutemen upstairs.  
  
'You, my boy, have the look of someone in love.'  
  
'Daisy...'  
  
'Hey, I just call it like I see it, kid. Any reason why you're staring at her like she's something you can't have?'  
  
'I'm scared...'  
  
'It happens...think about it...but think about this too, if you never told her, how would you feel?'  
  
He was grateful that Daisy shut up when Audra came back down, lacing his fingers with hers and heading up.  
John and Fahr were excited for him, as well, clapping him on the back.  
  
'Tonight we celebrate.'  
  
Later that afternoon John sent Sully down to the bar, coming back up with a bunch of food, beer and booze. John, Fahr, Daisy, Sully, Mickey, and Ham all came up, John getting some of the other guys to watch their posts tonight. After everyone had a shot glass in hand, Audra looked over at him and his heart skipped a beat.  
  
'To a quick recovery for Duncan.'  
  
'Here, here!'  
  
Mac pulled her over and gave her a soft kiss, pouring another round and raising his glass.  
  
'To the amazing fucking woman who made this all possible.'  
  
'Language! But here, here!'  
  
They all laughed and downed their shots, relaxing, eating and drinking and just generally having a good time. Audra was out on the balcony, talking with Daisy and Fahrenheit and Mac leant against the door frame to her room, watching her.  
  
'Ya know, for someone who is supposed to be happy, you're looking kinda glum there, kid.'  
  
'I'm not good enough for her.'  
  
He glared at the ghoul when Hancock snorted and laughed, slinging an arm around his back. Hancock tugged him close, both of them staring at her.  
  
'None of us are, kid. She's in a class all of her own. She loves you, man, the way she looks at you...is it bothering you that she loves the other guys? Is that what's eating you?'  
  
'No. At first, I thought it would...but seeing her with Sturges or with Deacon...then the other night. It's me, man...I can't bring myself to tell her. There's nothing that should stop me but I just...I don't think I can say that yet.'  
  
'Something might happen, especially with where she has to go, so don't think about it too long. You don't want to miss out. I'm gonna make sure you guys aren't disturbed tonight. You lock yourself in here and you show that woman how amazing she is and don't let her doubt herself. I don't know what happened to her in the past, but she's getting too lost with the ghosts lately...don't need her feeling like she did after Valentine left...she's worried you're going to leave her too.'  
  
John was pointing a finger at him when Audra looked over at them with one of the smiles that were so rare lately and the men sighed wistfully. She came dancing over, snuggling between them.  
  
'Well, if it isn't two of my favourite men in the world. Y'all are looking much too serious tonight, come on and have another shot with me.'  
  
The had another couple shots and beers then things started to wind down, John jerking his head to the room. Mac wandered in, stripping down to just his pants, sitting on the edge of the bed. He heard the door close and lock, turning to the side and seeing Audra standing there.  
John had gotten one of the tubs in the Old State House cleaned up and turned the room into a nice bathroom and they took it for its inaugural run once they got back, too tired to do anything but clean up and soak in the tub at the time, then they actually napped before John woke them up to get ready for the celebration.  
Her hair was down, soft and fluffy from washing it earlier and she smelled wonderful. She'd gone casual for the celebration, just some cargo pants and a t-shirt, but she still looked good and he couldn't believe she was real sometimes.  
  
Audra turned some music on her pipboy as she took care of the lights, so they just had the one lamp, putting her pipboy down on the table and turning to look at him.  
  
Mac leant back on his arms, looking his lover up and down...Audra...his lover. He couldn't help but smile at the thought, they'd come a long way since the night she wandered into the Third Rail, getting him drunk before even knowing her name. Her hair practically glowed in the soft light, pulling her t-shirt up over her head and tossing it on the floor. Striding over in time with the music to stand between his legs.  
  
'God, you're beautiful...'  
  
Audra snorted and he frowned because she really did not believe it. Holding onto her hips and pulling her flush against him, catching her mouth in a soft kiss. Moaning softly against her lips as he felt her tongue teasing him.  
  
'I mean it, Queenie. You're gorgeous and I'm not the only one that thinks so...what would it take to get you to believe it?'  
  
'I don't know. I think you're handsome Robert, but then you make that face that you're making right now and I know you don't believe it. What would it take for you to believe?'  
  
He frowned at her, the stubborn woman, rolling his shoulders and kissing her again.  
  
'I don't think I'm bad looking, I guess...but I don't like my teeth, especially compared to yours.'  
  
'If they bother you that much, we could always ask Doctor Sun if he could do something?'  
  
'Shhhh, no more talking for now. You're gorgeous...and sexy...and kind...and amazing...and not a day goes by that I don't think about you and want you.'  
  
Mac punctuated each statement with a kiss, kissing down her neck and over her shoulder. Watching as she flushed, loving how the pink skin looked with her freckles, blushing from her chest all the way up. He couldn't help but groan a little, reaching around and grabbing her ass, lifting her onto his lap and grinding against her. Nearly every time they'd been together, it was fast and eager and he wanted to take his time tonight.  
  
'MMmm god Audra...'  
  
'Robert, please, harder.'  
  
'Mmmm nuh-uh...we're gonna take things a little slower tonight. We have all night and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon...'  
  
She gave him a look and he knew he was in trouble, smiling and running his fingers through her hair. She went limp against his chest, letting out some adorable soft whimpers.  
  
'Keep doing that, love and you're going to put me to sleep.'  
  
'Well, we can't have that.'  
  
(Desire - Meg Myers)  
  
He grabbed a handful of her hair, like Hancock had and pulled her up, grunting as he saw the surprise and desire flash in her eyes.  
  
_She really does love it..._  
  
He wasn't used to being rough or how much she could handle yet but seeing how much she enjoyed it comforted him a bit, knowing he didn't have to worry about hurting her quite as much. He wanted to please her, like she always did for him, kissing her deeply before nipping at her neck. Her groans made him ache, pulling back so he could pull her bra off, pushing her pants down. He pulled her back over him as he slid his hand inside her panties, dipping his fingers into her wetness, pulling them out and sucking them off.  
  
'Fuck...Robert, you have no idea how fucking hot that looked.'  
  
Mac smirked a little as he shoved her underwear off and pulled her back up while he laid down, hands on her thighs, urging her further up until she was over his face. She blushed and ducked her head like she was embarrassed and he was briefly lost just staring at her. Even now, even spread out and dripping for him she could be shy.  
She was looking at him curiously, sitting there between her thighs and he grinned, drawing his tongue over the length of her slit slowly. Audra's whimpers were slightly muffled when her legs closed around his head and Mac reached around holding onto her ass as he pushed her down even more. She jerked a little when his tongue brushed over her clit and let out a whine that made him twitch.  
Audra groaned, spreading her knees and leaning back, Mac thought she was sexy before but it was nowhere near as fucking arousing as when she started rolling her hips and grinding herself against his face. He moaned and let her control the movement, bucking when he felt a hand reach back and start stroking him through his pants.  
He didn't know how long they were at it, but his jaw started to ache and he was much too close to cumming in his pants. Mac pulled his mouth back, smirking a little at her protest but unable to stop himself from panting a bit, thrusting up against her hand.  
  
'God, Audra...you're gonna make me cum.'  
  
He groaned when she didn't answer and just lifted off him, turning and sitting back down over his face, squirming as she opened his pants. Her hands were hot and a little sweaty, but they felt good as they wrapped around the base of his cock and he started cumming almost as soon as her warm mouth wrapped around the head. Her tongue was doing something ridiculously amazing, tracing and swirling around the flare of the head, then flattening against his shaft as she swallowed his seed. Mac couldn't think, he just smashed his face against her, lapping like crazy and hoping it did something for her. He was too far gone to try and be smooth, grunting in satisfaction as he felt her fluttering and throbbing against his mouth.  
She rolled off to the side and they both lay there whimpering and panting before she turned around, kissing him deeply. He felt himself stirring again, reaching down and cupping one of her breasts, rubbing a thumb over the nipple gently.  
  
'See...so darn gorgeous, Queenie...'  
  
He could practically feel the eye-roll as he kissed her harder, pulling her against his chest. He let her go after the kiss, moving so she could lie back against the pillows before sliding off the bed, shedding his pants and lying down next to her. He leant on his side, tracing his fingers over her lightly. Down her nose, along her jaw, following the line of her neck, the curve of her shoulder. Tracing the swell of her breast and around the little ring in her nipple, giving it just a little tug, sweeping over her belly and making her giggle. Sloooowly dropping his hand to her knee and dragging a finger up the inside of her thigh.  
He loved the way her breath hitched as he got higher, lying there, arms at her side accepting whatever he wanted to do. He teased her thighs apart and started rubbing her clit, still just soaking from her first orgasm. She groaned and pushed him back into the pillows, kissing him hard. She had a serious look in her eyes as she wrapped her fingers around him, stroking him till he was hard and aching again.  
Audra straddled him, sliding down his shaft and taking all of him deep, gasping and rolling her hips like she did earlier. Mac lay back and held onto her hips, watching as she moved over him.  
She was sighing softly as she ran her hands up past her stomach, cupping her own chest and squeezing as she rode him slowly. He told her he wanted to take their time tonight and she was certainly going to give him exactly that, her pace was deliberate, slow and focused. Her knees tightening around his hips as she lifted up, leaning forward then spreading out, sinking down on him so he was buried deep. The feeling of her using her inner muscles to squeeze him was going to drive him mad.  
She was in control and she rode him like that for what felt like forever. Mac leaning up and sneaking kisses when he could, caressing her gently or running his fingers through her hair.  
  
'Audra...'  
  
'Robert, God you feel so good...please love...harder now, please?'  
  
There was no way in hell he could say no to her right now. Sitting up with his back against the headboard, an arm around her waist and the other gripping her hair tight. Kissing her hard as he started to thrust up at her.  
Mac drove her over the edge at least three times, letting go of her hair to rub at her clit or moving from her mouth to take a nipple between his lips before he let himself go. Driving into her until his muscles burned, lying back on the pillows and pulling her to his chest.  
  
_Fuck, I love this woman._  
  
MacCready knew he was long gone for her, he just had to get up to courage to ignore the doubts in his head and tell her The sun was just starting to peek above the horizon when they fell asleep holding each other.  
  
-  
  
'Audra, get your darn fists up!'  
  
(Icky Thump - The White Stripes)  
  
Audra couldn't help but chuckle a little, hearing Mac yell from outside of the cage. She brushed a hand under her nose, wiping away some of the blood from the shot she took to the face. The woman hit fucking hard, but it was all brute force and chems. Five months ago, Audra wouldn't have stood a chance, but now...  
  
'Yeah, Audra, listen to your little boy toy. You can't fight for shite.'  
  
She smirked at the redhead, dancing backwards as she moved for her. As soon as the redhead started swinging she stepped back again, but grabbed the other woman's arm and yanked her right into her other fist. Now they had matching bloody noses. Audra let her go and danced back again, she was going to have to end this soon, the adrenaline was making her limbs feel heavy and with the woman all strung out she had the advantage.  
As soon as she started forward Audra kicked out at the woman, grabbing her shoulder and bending her at the waist, shoving her knee right into the lean woman's stomach. With the wind knocked out of her, Audra was able to bring her elbow to the back of the woman's head.  
Stepping back with a little groan and leaning against the cage as the other woman face-planted then rolled onto her back, looking at Audra like she might go for her again.  
  
'Nuh-uh, don't even think about it, darling. I'm playing nice because I don't want to really injure you, but if you come at me then we're going to start dealing in pain. I took ya down, now let's talk.'  
  
'That wasn't a fucking fight.'  
  
'A fight's a fight. You either win or lose. This time I won.'  
  
'Don't let our little tussle get to that big head. I was tired from fightin' all the other idiots who stumbled into the arena before you.'  
  
'And we just got done dealing with a group of super mutants before getting here, took care of the asshole raiders, then fought you. Doesn't matter what the damn excuse is, you take a fight then you fucking fight to win.'  
  
'You didn't lose to her, you lost to that jet pipe. It's making you sloppy. You need to curb the chems, darling. I'm not sure if I should kiss you or have my little bird here feed you your own entrails.'  
  
The women turned to the ghoul as the redhead snarled.  
  
'I told you to quit callin' me that!'  
  
Audra smirked and shrugged her shoulders, wandering over to let Mac fuss over her, wiping her nose gently.  
  
'I'm sorry? It just seemed like you guys might be in trouble.'  
  
The ghoul snorted and eventually got to the point. Audra wasn't sure how to feel about holding a 'contract' and told Cait as soon as they left the Combat Zone. Giving her a couple options: clean her shit up and join with the Minutemen, clean her shit up and do her own thing, or continue killing herself and go off on her own. Mac pulled her away to argue with her, not trusting the redhead, but Audra gave her the benefit of the doubt.  
  
'If you choose to get clean and join the Minutemen, I'll train you how to really fight...and in turn, you will train my men. Think it over. For now, you can tag along, you don't have to make a decision till we get to Sanctuary.'  
  
Audra was about ready to lose her shit by the time the got to Ellie's, Mac and Cait bickering the whole time, giving Elijah a peck on the cheek as she wandered in. She ended up sending the pair ahead to go chill at the Dugout while Ellie helped take in some of her clothes, wanting them out of her hair for a little bit. She did a couple of her suits, but not all of them in case she gained some of the weight back, the younger woman grumbling at her.  
  
'Gonna have to fix the stuff you don't have with you if you want them to work, the cobalt dress especially.'  
  
'Yeah, if I keep the weight off I'll get stuff adjusted. Not like I'm going to be wearing it anytime soon.'  
  
'Your man still being an arse?'  
  
'Which one?'  
  
Audra smirked and the other woman laughed, waving her off as Audra made her way to Diamond City, stopping on the way in to say hi to Danny. She stopped at the top of the stairs, looking over the city, it felt like it had been forever since she'd been back. She had to laugh when she was almost immediately confronted by Piper, promising to spend the night and update her, giving Nat a hug and a handful of caps in exchange for a paper.  
She hoped Mac and Cait were staying out of trouble, John trying to coax her into getting his hands on her hair, unloading some stuff on Myrna and promising to speak with Arturo on the way back. She could tell Nick was still coming to the house, a tie here, a case file there...Audra sighed and figured she should check in, at least to say hi to Ellie and make sure things were okay.  
She opened the door slowly, not seeing Ellie but taking a moment to watch Nick, absorbed in a file. Waving a hand holding a cigarette to the client chair without looking up.  
  
'Valentine Detective Agency, what can we help you with?'  
  
'Hey, Valentine...'  
  
Her heart was pounding and she tried to keep her voice casual, instead, it came out all soft and breathy. Nick's head snapped up and he dropped his cigarette on the desk, blinking at her as he grabbed it and put it out, trying to brush the ash off of everything.  
  
'Audra...'  
  
She just chuckled and help him wipe the ash off his desk, his ashtray was full and there were random coffee mugs all over the place. Feeling him go still as she brushed some of it off of his jacket, pulling back with a blush and sitting on her desk.  
  
_God, I miss him..._  
  
(Make Me Wanna Die - The Pretty Reckless)  
  
He'd stayed busy, if the files on his desk were any indication, seeing the radio she'd sent over on his desk on with the volume low.  
  
'Good, you got the radio...I wasn't sure...haven't heard from you or Ellie.'  
  
'Uh, Ellie has been helping Arturo and Piper...we kinda got into it a few weeks ago.'  
  
Well, that explained the clutter, sighing softly and looking him over. He looked a little more rumpled than he usually did but no worse for wear. Blinking in surprise as he rose and stepped towards her, her first instinct was to pull back but she forced herself to stay still, knowing that if she moved away it would drive him further away. Looking up at him as he raised a hand hesitantly, playing with a lock of her hair.  
  
'Your hair has gotten long and you've lost more weight...have you been okay?'  
  
Audra looked down, staring at his tie as she reached out, smoothing it gently. She looked back up at him and saw the genuine concern and it was...nice. He usually had a calming effect on her, when they weren't fighting.  
  
'Up and down...a little more down than up most days. Been an interesting month...gonna be rough for a while, so much...'  
  
Nick cut her off, lips pressing against hers softly, drawing out a soft sigh. He tasted strongly of cigarettes like he'd been chain smoking. Hearing his soft moan as he slid his fingers through her hair and leant into her, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck, pulling him between her legs and kissing deeply.  
They both jumped when the door slammed open and Piper came in, wide-eyed and waving her hands when she saw them.  
  
'Sorry, sorry! Audra, you're new friends were just carted off by Diamond City Security...'  
  
Nick stepped back and Audra sighed, dropping her head and hopping off the desk.  
  
'Do you know what they did?'  
  
'Someone grabbed the redhead on the rear, so she punched him, which I think would have been okay with the guards, because he was being an ass...but then his friend started making for her, so MacCready punched him and the guy tried to punch back but ended up punching Hawthorne, so Ellen kicked him...now all six of them are at the security office.'  
  
'Ugh, okay. I guess I'll go bail the four of them out. Then we'll be at Home Plate if you want to come by Piper, I need to run around and say hi to everyone, but I was going to get some stuff to make dinner. Maybe get some steaks from Polly and do them out on the grill if you want to bring Nat. We'll be at the house, Nick...probably going to head out to Sanctuary tomorrow, maybe the next day depending on how tired I am.'  
  
Piper mentioned that she'd grab Nat and bring something and Audra started for the door, blushing when Nick grabbed her hand and pulled her to him.  
  
'I'd like to talk...'  
  
'That would be nice, lots has happened...I just...are you going to get all angry about me having lovers? I don't want to fight Nick...MacCready and I...'  
  
'I don't want to fight.'  
  
'Okay, I'll see you at the house shortly?'  
  
'Sure thing, doll.'  
  
She pressed a quick kiss on him before hurrying out the door. Rolling her eyes when she saw the four of them on one side of the cell and the two men on the other side, in much rougher shape.  
  
'Can't leave you alone even for a little bit. Hawthorne, Ellen, it's nice to see you.' Turning to one of the guards, 'I'm here for the four of them.'  
  
'You posting bail, General?'  
  
'I am.'  
  
'Okay, but keep them out of trouble or next time or they won't be welcome.'  
  
At her raised eyebrow and frown, the guard backed off, opening the cell to allow the four to shuffle out.  
  
'Come on kiddos let's go to the house and I'll make some dinner. You two are welcome to join if you want, Nick will be there, Piper and Nat. I was going to see if Ellie, Arturo and Nina want to come and I have to go say hi to Yefim and Vadim...Mac, Cait...here's my key, go to the house and get yourselves cleaned up, please? There are some drinks in the fridge if you need anything else and I'm not back yet, just ask Piper when she get's there. I want you two to keep your heads low so security doesn't get all pissy, okay? I'll be back shortly, going to go say hi and get the steaks.'  
  
She gave Mac a quick peck and watched them make their way to the house, Hawthorne and Ellen agreeing to join for dinner, going to Arturo's first. Laughing and accepting the hug when Ellie came flying out, telling them about the impromptu dinner/party. They agreed to join and Ellie narrowed her eyes at her.  
  
'Nick is coming...'  
  
'Okay, because if he didn't I was going to be really upset with that man.'  
  
'What happened?'  
  
'He was being a stubborn fool. If he's nice tonight I might go back...but if he upsets you I'm going to be angry.'  
  
'He said he wanted to talk, so we'll see. Okay, I'll be there shortly, gonna go say hi at the Dugout and get some steaks from Polly. Get something to go on the side?'  
  
Audra ran off, busting into the Dugout, her apologies being met with hugs and kisses.  
  
'Is Vadim behaving? And Yefim, am I gonna get you to dance again sometime?'  
  
She spent a few minutes chatting with them, accepting a bottle of Bobrov's Best, giving each of the twins another kiss on the cheek before flying out just as quickly as she came in. Stopping to talk with Polly and nearly clearing her out of brahmin, lugging the packages to the house.  
Audra passed the steaks off to Nick with a peck, asking him to get them started while she cleaned up. Cait was chatting with Hawthorne and Ellen, sitting in the booth on the main floor. Arturo and Mac were in the shop, ogling the setup and talking weapons. Ellie and Piper were downstairs on the couch chatting. Nat and Nina and surprisingly Sheng were downstairs on the computer playing some of the games she'd collected.  
After making sure everyone had a drink and getting assurances that they'd be fine, Audra grabbed some clothes, climbing out the hatch to check on Nick. Nick was sitting on the patio having a cigarette and a beer while the grill warmed up. She couldn't help but smile, really smile, having a nice warm home and people to share it with. Seeing Nick wander over out of the corner of her eye as she started the bath filling.  
  
Audra stripped down, about to step into the tub before popping her head out of the window.  
  
'Hey, get your ass over here and get a beer, quick lurking before you fall off the roof again.'  
  
She made sure she wasn't too loud, just enough that he'd hear. Stepping into the tub and turning around, finally acknowledging Nick, accepting the beer he held out. Chuckling when Nick looked surprised as Deacon appeared behind him, pouting, holding a beer in hand. Winking at the spy and making him blush.  
  
'Hello, darling. Was Dez mad? That's good...can you give us a moment, I'd like to talk with Nick...thank you.'  
  
Waiting until Deacon disappeared down the hatch before looking back at Nick, flushing when she saw his eyes flash, sliding under the water. She started washing her hair after popping out, looking at Nick as he watched her, chuckling a little.  
  
'So are we going to talk or are you just going to watch me wash up?'  
  
Nick probably would have blushed if he could and sat on the closed toilet.  
  
'I have some mighty fond memories of you and a bathtub...'  
  
It was her turn to blush, rinsing her hair before looking over at him.  
  
'I missed you...a lot.'  
  
'I missed you too, doll. I'm sorry...I'm not...I'm not good at this. At being in a relationship, even old Nick...'  
  
'Same person...'  
  
'Okay, even before. I was never very good about being vocal about the things bothering me. When Kellogg was in my head and telling me that they would use me to hurt you, I was scared. I don't want that. Even if it meant not being with you, I wanted you to be safe...then the way I acted...I would understand if you would never want to deal with me ever again, but I just wanted to say that I love you, Audra and I'm sorry.'  
  
(Hard Time - Seinabo Sey)  
  
'I love you too Nick but I'm not gonna lie...you hurt me...bad. I don't know if we can get back to the point where we were before, but I'm willing to try. I'm almost always willing to try, so far I haven't met anyone that has ever screwed up so badly that I wouldn't try, short of someone actively trying to kill me or someone I love. But I'm not going to keep fighting for a relationship if I'm the only one who thinks it's worth fighting for...'  
  
Audra sighed, stepping out of the tub and drying off, pulling her shorts, bra, and t-shirt on and moving out to the rooftop patio while Nick cooked the steaks. She snagged one of his cigarettes, looking over at him as he shed his jacket, standing there at the grill.  
  
'Do you want to fight for it or do you want to let go? Wait, before you answer...I've had several lovers since we were last together. If that's going to be a problem, then I don't know if we can go forward...I love Sturges and MacCready and have had sex with them. I've had sex with John, but I'm not in love with him like those two...then there's Arthur Maxson, the Brotherhood Elder, we haven't done anything yet, but I have some feelings there...I won't act on it till I know he's not a complete asshole though. Then, of course, there's Deacon...we haven't had sex yet, made out like a couple teenagers...but no sex yet. I know for sure that he's Aidan now but we haven't talked about it yet. I don't know what is going to happen there, but I will fight for him. Can you live with all of that? If I go downstairs and cuddle Mac are you going to flip? If you catch me making out in a dark corner with Deacon are you going to flip? Are you going to be a complete ass to Sturges next time you go to Sanctuary? And even with all of that, I don't love you any less...I just am scared to trust you with my heart as much now...'  
  
He looked sad and thoughtful while she poured herself a shot of Bobrov's, taking her shot then grabbing another beer, sliding up to his side and kissing him softly.  
  
'You don't have to answer right away, just think about it, okay? I can take over if you want, I just used the grilling as an excuse to get you up here alone.'  
  
'It's okay, doll. I used to enjoy grilling, I guess we'll see how I do. Go check on your guests.'  
  
She could tell he was trying, he had that little grin...that sweet little grin that she loved so much on his face and she couldn't help it, grabbing his tie and kissing him till she was breathless.  
  
'Mmmm damn I missed that.'  
  
Nick laughed and gave her a quick peck.  
  
'You and me both, now go before I contemplate doing unspeakable things to you and burn your dinner.'  
  
Audra gave him a wink before heading down the hatch, almost immediately noticing the movement in the corner, crawling into the bunk and resting her head on Deacon's lap. He pulled his sunglasses off, looking down at her...looking worried. When he didn't say anything she reached up and booped his nose.  
  
'What's up, buttercup?'  
  
'You okay? How was talking with Nick?'  
  
'It was okay, we'll see I guess...I'm okay. It's not Nick that's been upsetting me recently.'  
  
'What is it?'  
  
She smiled at him sadly.  
  
'You really don't remember...some of it you wouldn't know...I hope Dez doesn't need us back soon, I just need some time.'  
  
They looked over as Nick came down with a plate of steaks, sitting up and pressing a kiss on Deacon's cheek before helping Nick with the plate.  
  
'Come on, let's go have some dinner. Thank you for cooking Nick.'  
  
Audra gave him a kiss too and wandered down, yelling for everyone to get some food. They ate and drank and talked for several hours, Arturo eventually walking Sheng home, but Nina and Nat were fast asleep on one of the bunks so they left them be. Cait was passed out on another bunk after getting acquainted with some of the Bobrov's Best.  
Audra made the guys go upstairs and take those bunks and she, Piper, and Ellie took the big bed. They stayed up a bit later talking, Audra telling them about everything that had happened. Laughing when they shrieked, hearing about the other night, making the guys run down with weapons drawn. Then cracking up and blowing kisses at them, Piper leaning over and planting a big kiss on her as they watched, wanting to know what the big deal was. Audra raised an eyebrow but made sure it was a good one, chuckling when she left the reporter speechless. She told the guys goodnight and stared at them till they started back up the stairs, hearing Deacon and Mac lie down and Nick sit at the desk to presumably work. Turning back to Piper.  
  
'God, we need to get you laid.'  
  
'Don't I know it.'  
  
Piper snorted and they dissolved into giggles, trying to decide who would be a good fit. Eventually, the ladies fell asleep in a cuddly drunken pile.  
  
-  
  
'Do you want to talk about it?'  
  
Nick frowned as Audra shook her head, pulling her knees closer to her chest. He'd been working on case files till well after everyone but Deacon had fallen asleep, the spy ducking out of the hatch late in the night. He was just about to run some diagnostics when he heard a noise, wandering downstairs to see what it was. As far as he knew, everyone was asleep, so either Deacon came in through the other door...or there was someone who shouldn't be there in the shop.  
He made his way over as quickly and quietly as he could, walking around the shop confused, not immediately seeing anything. He was just about to turn around and leave, pushing the chair back against the desk when his processor nearly stopped, hearing the noise from above him. Her eyes were wide, panicked, curled up on the shelving along the upper part of the wall.  
  
'Do you want to come down and sit with me?'  
  
He felt a stab of pain when she shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes, breathing heavily. He used to be able to help her...  
  
'Nick.'  
  
He looked to the door at the sound of someone calling his name quietly, seeing Deacon standing there beckoning him over. He stepped into the little bathroom area, frowning as Deacon stood there, rubbing the back of his neck and shuffling nervously.  
  
'We should get Ellie...she could probably get her down...I don't know how she'd react to the rest of us.'  
  
'What are you talking about?'  
  
'Audra...the nightmares she has. They've been getting really rough and sometimes she reacts badly. She might get upset if you or I try to get her down, Mac reminds her of Nate, Piper reminds her of Nate's sister Adrienne...I don't think...I don't think Ellie would upset her.'  
  
Nick wanted to turn around and go to her but at the pained look on the man's face he conceded, going to the bed and carefully waking Ellie.  
  
'Nicky...what's wrong? Ugh, what time is it?'  
  
'Early...Audra is having an anxiety attack or something. Deacon is worried that we might upset her, that we remind her of her past. Do you want to try to get her? She's hiding up on the shelves in the shop...'  
  
Ellie jumped up, brushing past him and running into the shop. They could hear her coaxing Audra down gently, going upstairs when they heard them coming out. Ellie took her downstairs, Piper waking up when they came down, peering down the stairs trying to see what was up.  
  
'What the hell are you guys doing??'  
  
'Shhhhh, Piper. Audra had an anxiety attack and Ellie took her downstairs. We were worried she would react badly to us, can you peek down there and see if she's okay?'  
  
Piper huffed and went down the stairs quietly, coming up a few minutes later. Moving to the little kitchenette to start making some coffee.  
  
'She's lying down curled up around Ellie, but not asleep. She doesn't want to see anyone right now, she said she's going back to Sanctuary in a few hours. Ellie's trying to convince her to stay one more night, but we'll see. Might want to get ready just in case and tell Mac.'  
  
They woke Mac, telling him what had happened and he started packing immediately, scowling at Nick when he started gathering his stuff. Cait wandering up a little while later telling them she still wanted to leave.  
  
'Where do you think you're going?'  
  
'To Sanctuary, where else, kid?'  
  
'...and do what? Walk out on her again? Tell her you'll be there then treat her like crap? Look man...it's her choice if she wants to have you around again, but you have to be there. Don't fucking hurt her again...'  
  
Mac trailed off, looking over his shoulder. Nick turned around to see Audra coming up the stairs, looking so small, her eyes starting to tear up again. She brushed at them with an irritated huff, glaring at both of them.  
  
'Both of you come, both of you stay, I don't fucking care. Everyone can come along...but I am going and I don't want to listen to you fucking fight, please. That goes for you too Cait, no fucking bickering like yesterday. Please.'  
  
Audra sighed and went to the dresser, changing into one of her suits and pulling her hair back and jacket on. Moving over to Deacon who was standing by the door quietly, reaching into his bag and pulling out a pair of his sunglasses and putting them on. She pulled Piper and Ellie aside, speaking to them softly and giving them hugs. Sighing and turning back to the rest of them.  
  
'Whoever is coming, let's go. Give Nat and Nina hugs from me when they get up.'  
  
The four of them trailed behind her quietly as she marched determinedly for Sanctuary. While they made their way through Concord, Cait ran ahead to talk with her and Nick hung back.  
  
'Hey kid, can I talk to you for a second?'  
  
'Uh...I guess.'  
  
'I just wanted to say I understand and I'm glad she's had people that care about her to help watch over her. I was scared. I was scared that she would get hurt because of me, but you know...she's the strongest person I've ever known. I love her and like I told her, I just want to try...truce?'  
  
The synth held out his hand and after a huff, the former merc reached out and shook it, both of them turning to watch her stomp down the road. Nick rolling his eyes when he heard Deacon off to the side, mumbling under his breath.  
  
'Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road...'  
  
'Hate to break it to you Toto, but we're not in Kansas anymore.'  
  
Mac just looked at them like the were crazy and the men laughed, making Audra stop and stare at them curiously. When Mac told her what they'd said she just snorted, pointing at them.  
  
'He's not Toto...Tin Man, Scarecrow, come on...there's no place like home.'  
  
'Wait...I think I heard this story before, maybe Charlie told us...Eclair and the little kids were always scared of the lion...'  
  
Deacon swung an arm over Nick's shoulders, leaning in and mumbling loudly.  
  
'Does that make MacCready the Cowardly Lion?'  
  
They busted out laughing again and trying to walk on. When they rounded the corner to Red Rocket, Dogmeat came running out barking at them and was met with enthusiastic shouts calling him Toto. Nick had to smile when Audra grinned, feeling better than he had in months.


	5. Pain We Obey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audra sends MacCready away, struggling with her pain. The gang worries about her drinking as she slips down further with each passing day.  
> Deacon finds out a secret and it might break him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS.  
> I have been having a hard time writing this one out. I can see it clearly in my head, but I feel like my words can't do their anguish justice.  
> No naughty stuff, all emotion and some backstory.

'Is there anything he can help with, I just...I can't look at him right now, Preston. It hurts too much.'  
  
'Hey, hey...what's up, General?'  
  
'I can't...I can't look at MacCready right now, please? I thought I could, but if there is anything he can help with for like four or five days, that would help me. I'm gonna talk to him, but I want to offer him something to do instead of just sending him back to Diamond City or Goodneighbor.'  
  
'What's going on Audra, talk to me.'  
  
'It's my wedding anniversary with Nate...tomorrow...then Shaun's birthday in a few days. You've seen the picture. He looks so much like Nate sometimes...I don't want my ghosts making things weird.'  
  
Preston sighed and stood up, pulling her into a hug. Audra wrapped her arms around his waist, holding onto her friend.  
  
'I'm sorry...let's see, Starlight Drive-In has been getting some super mutant activity, we were going to send some guys over there to help out and teach the local team how to shoot a bit better, do you think that would work? Otherwise, he could go out with one of the scouting teams.'  
  
He let go of her and they moved to stand around the desk, looking at the map with the current settlement information. Audra couldn't help but smile a bit, giving Preston's hand a squeeze.  
  
'We've come a long way from just you and me and Sanctuary...we'll have to go for the Castle once it's a little warmer, it's time. Both of those would work, I guess I'll see if he would like to do either. Thanks, Preston.'  
  
'Hey, Audra, if you need someone to talk to I'm here for you.'  
  
She nodded and left him at the desk, wandering out into Sanctuary and looking around. The snow had given away to a chilly wind since they were last at the church and Audra was relieved, she used to love the snow, but trying to travel with it now was a pain. She had the signal grenades from Arthur, but she felt awkward using those unless it was important business.  
She wandered over to the greenhouse the resident Minutemen had built before it got cold, watching the people work and stopping to talk now and then. It was busy and it wasn't even noon. After the greenhouse she checked on the bunkhouse, a few of the off duty guys relaxing. Then it was off to the shooting range, standing off to the side, watching as Mac and Deacon showed a couple of the new recruits how to handle their weapons.  
  
Mac looked over and grinned, the grin drooping just a bit as she beckoned him over. He said something to Deacon and he turned around and blew her a kiss, earning an eye roll and a kiss blown back. Audra held out her hand, lacing her fingers with Mac's. His hands were cold and he looked like he'd been out there a while, pulling him to the house and starting to fix him a warm drink while he sat at the kitchen table.  
  
'What's up, Queenie?'  
  
'I have something I want to ask you, then I have something I'd like to show you and an explanation.'  
  
'Um...okay.'  
  
He looked nervous, shifting in the chair and Audra put his drink down on the table, sitting on his lap and kissing him softly. They sat there for a few minutes, just kissing till she could feel his shoulders relax a little, sliding off his lap and handing him his drink.  
  
'I'll be right back.'  
  
Her feet felt like lead weights as she got to the bedroom, squatting down to open the safe, pulling out one of the manila envelopes stuffed to the brim. Peeking in it to make sure it was the one she wanted, taking a few deep breaths before padding back out to the dining room.  
  
'Okay, Audra, you're really freaking me out. What's going on?'  
  
She took his cup and brought it back into the kitchen, making sure the table was clear and dry, pulling a chair over and looking at him.  
  
(Bleeding Heart - Regina Spektor)  
  
Things had been awkward the past few days since they'd gotten back. Preston took over wrangling Cait, trying to help get her clean. She said she wanted to try and see about joining the Minutemen, wanting to learn more about fighting. Nick had been playing nice, which was a giant relief but Audra was just having a hard time with all of them, right now.  
Sturges was the only one who she could sleep next to without having the horrid nightmares but even then they barely slept, much less do anything else. That first night back they ended up sitting in the living room for hours and Audra read aloud, Nick and Deacon and Mac eventually wandering in, lounging around and listening. They fell asleep where they sat or wandered off to bed when they got tired. Last night Audra woke up being carried to bed by Nick, placed down next to a sleeping Sturges with a kiss on the forehead. Two full days back and they had already finished Fahrenheit 451, almost done with Animal Farm, and had 1984 lined up after that. Deacon and Nick snickering, finding it ironic that those would be some of the books to survive the apocalypse, be found by the Minutemen and brought back to them.  
  
'Robert, I was wondering if you would do something for me and leave Sanctuary for like four or five days. Wait, let me explain, please. I don't want to hurt you or make you feel bad...but tomorrow...tomorrow is my wedding anniversary with Nate and Shaun's birthday is on 19th. It's not you, you're wonderful...it's just...I told you about how you looked like Nate and it hurts right now. Preston was just about to send a team to Starlight Drive-In to help the guys there with their shooting or he said you could go with one of the patrols if you want, otherwise, I can give you some caps and the key to Home Plate or if you want to go to Goodneighbor. Wait, not done...'  
  
She put the envelope on the table and pulled a handful out, looking down and having to clear her throat and blink back the tears before handing Mac a picture.  
  
'Whoa...Holy sh...shoot.'  
  
'Yeah, heh.'  
  
They looked at the picture of her, Nate and Shaun standing in front of the house, a few days after they brought Shaun home from the hospital. Tired, but smiling.  
  
'Shaun...Shaun looks like how Duncan did around that age...Jesus, Audra...I'm so sorry. I must bring bad memories back...'  
  
'No, no, no...please don't...it was weird at first, but now I see you, Mac. It's just the lack of sleep and the depression, I don't want to treat you poorly. I love you and I don't want you to feel awkward...but this is just the first time...since...everything...'  
  
'I understand...it...it was especially hard that first year without Lucy. I wish I had a picture of her...she was beautiful.'  
  
'Tell me about her and Duncan?'  
  
Mac smiled a little and grabbed her hand, pulling her over to one of the couches, sitting down and pulling her back between his legs. He held her while he told her about when they were little and how she took care of him when he was hurt, then when he started looking at her as more than just a friend. Audra closed her eyes and tried to imagine her, then he described Duncan and Audra shuffled through the pictures, showing him the ones she had of Shaun.  
  
'They look like they could be brothers...do you think I'm related to Nate somehow?'  
  
'It's possible. Nate had an uncle that lived in D.C. All the men in their family look alike, the genes are strong. You're a little taller than Nate was and more ginger, Nate had lightish brown hair. Let me see...'  
  
She pulled out a picture from their wedding of Nate with his dad and Uncles, Mac just looked dumbfounded. Pulling out more of the wedding pictures, showing him how Piper looked like Adrienne. Holding a photo up for her to see.  
  
'That's Maxson...isn't it?'  
  
'Yeah, that's Roger and his son...the genes seem to be strong in that family too. Oh...here's one of me and my da.'  
  
She smiled softly, brushing her fingers over the photo gently. Heart pounding when she saw Mac pull an older picture from the pile.  
  
'Is that...'  
  
'Aidan...that was before we started dating, shortly after they got back from Anchorage.'  
  
She couldn't stop the tears as she looked at the picture. She was sitting on one of the workbenches on the base, Nate leaning on one side and Aidan on the other.  
  
'God we were young.'  
  
He put the picture down carefully and wiped the tears off her face, kissing her softly. Pulling one of her in her wedding dress out, grinning and kissing her a little deeper, telling her how beautiful she looked. They looked through the other photos and Audra was grateful that seemed to be the only one of Boff in this envelope, it should have been in his envelope or Nate's from before they were married, this one was everything from after she and Nate had officially become a couple. She had large envelopes and some boxes for each of them, all the random memories from over the years, all their letters. Then the other random stuff she'd collected - the deck of cards from the first time she beat Rog. Boff's copy of A Midsummer Night's Dream. The spent casing from the first time Nate took her shooting. The jewellery box she'd made with her da. All the things she had left of that old world and a few new things like the soldier from Mac.  
  
'Hey, man. Time to earn our paychecks. I'm getting paid, right? I thought we were going to finish up with the shoot...ing...hi. Um...everything okay?'  
  
Mac slid out from behind Audra as she wiped her eyes, reaching out and putting pictures back into the envelope. He had his glasses on, but she knew he was scanning the table as he got visibly tenser, the picture of the three of them was on the corner of the coffee table closest to him and Audra knew when his eyes fell on it. Deacon turned and ran out the door, Mac looking confused, starting after him.  
  
'Leave him, he needs a moment. He'll just get pissy if you go and try to talk to him right now. In five minutes it will be safe to approach him, in ten he'll start cracking jokes again. He'll still be upset, but he'll play it off. I may not know why he is doing some of the things he is now, but I know him.'  
  
Mac frowned but helped her up, following her into the bedroom as she went back to the safe, pulling out the only envelope she hadn't opened since waking up. She slid the picture of the three of them into it and pulled out another one, one of the few professionally done photos she had, besides her wedding photos. Holding it out to Mac.  
  
'Holy shit.'  
  
She couldn't help but chuckle, standing and looking down at the photo. He looked different, but you could see it was still him. Looking at him in the picture versus now would be like maybe looking at siblings or some other close relation. Once you saw it, it was easy to tell. The biggest difference, of course, was the shock of red hair on top of his head, slicked into a familiar pompadour. He was wearing a cap in the first picture but had grown it out after they'd gotten back. He was standing behind her, his head over her one shoulder as she turned to look up at him.  
  
'Yeah, we look a little different now.'  
  
'When was this?'  
  
'That would have been the first week of April 2074, right after we were engaged. The week after that I got word from da that Aidan had been killed in the invasion of China, I was told they never recovered his body. Nate was hurt and discharged, sent back to start physical therapy.'  
  
'March and April...'  
  
'Yeah...then June...throw in October now too...'  
  
'June and October?'  
  
'October was when I got out of the vault...I...I don't want to talk about June yet. Let's go make sure he's calmed down.'  
  
'Okay, I supposed after that I should get ready. I'll go with them to Starlight Drive-In, I've kinda been enjoying teaching shooting.'  
  
They pulled on their jackets and hats. Audra smiled sadly, lacing her fingers with his.  
  
'I'm sorry, Robert...'  
  
'Hey, I get it. Really. It's been years for me, but months for you...just make sure and radio or come and grab me when you need me.'  
  
'Love you.'  
  
She turned, not letting him see her face before he felt forced to answer, tugging him along. He was looking around, trying to catch sight of Deacon, but she knew where he'd be. Going past the Minutemen offices, the frozen grass crunching beneath their boots.  
  
Deacon was standing at the foot of Nate's grave, looking down at the headstone. Mac shifted uncomfortably, but she gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile, kissing his cheek before letting go of his hand. Deacon didn't move when she went and stood in front of him, leaning back against his chest. Audra let out a breath she didn't know she was holding when he leant over, resting his chin on her shoulder, sliding his hands into her pockets with hers. She rubbed them, trying to get them warm, feeling Mac standing at their side.  
They just stood there in silence for a few minutes before she turned to face him. Glancing over to make sure Mac was okay, he was somber but didn't look as uncomfortable as he was at first. Looking up at Deacon, grabbing a hand and tugging.  
  
'Come on, your turn for something warm to drink.'  
  
They saw Nick and Sturges on the way back to the house, talking about synthetic skin and the pair joined them. Audra read a little more while they sat around and had coffee and Mac started getting his bag ready. She slipped a pouch of caps and some more stims into the bottom of the bag when he wasn't looking, Deacon looking over at her and smirking.  
  
Preston joined them for a cup of coffee before letting them know the team was heading out. Walking to the bridge, pulling Mac aside and kissing him deeply.  
  
'Be careful.'  
  
'Hey, I'll be all right. Are you going to be okay?'  
  
She couldn't help but shrug a little, 'I've got these guys to reign me in if I get too low...see you soon.'  
  
She stood there until she couldn't see them anymore, Sturges eventually just picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder, making her sit down inside and warm up. Everyone looked at her wrist expectantly when they heard the scratch. The first day back, they'd broadcast an updated frequency to reach the General, separate from the Minutemen channel they'd been using and the secure channel. Audra had been tired of listening to all the random updates, now if people needed to get a hold of just her, they knew where to call.  
  
'Uh, this is Ellie Perkins from Valentine Detective Agency, with a message for Nick's partner. Nick is needed back in Diamond City. If you two can hear me, please swing by. I'll be waiting.'  
  
'Hey El, switch to the secure channel.'  
  
Audra moved seats, sitting at Nick's side and switching over, holding the pipboy up between them.  
  
'You there Ellie? Nick's here with me, what's up?'  
  
'McDonough is on a warpath, won't say what, but I guess someone broke into his office and took something. Wants you back immediately to solve it for him. I haven't had a chance to speak with her yet, but honestly, it might be Piper, they got into it again the day before yesterday.'  
  
Nick looked at her and shook his head a little, pressing the button down.  
  
'Okay, doll. I'll be back this evening. The General needs to stay and catch up a bit.'  
  
'Be safe, Nick. I'll talk with you later, General. Next time I'm making you stay a couple days.'  
  
'Yes, ma'am. I miss you too. Besides, other Ellie wants to hang out more, we need another girls night.'  
  
Looking up at Nick as she lowered her arm. He chucked her under the chin gently, ducking his head to give her a soft kiss.  
  
'I can handle McDonough on my own. You're in no state to be running around right now, I'd feel better if you stayed and tried to rest...is that okay?'  
  
'Yeah, I'd like to stay home for a while. Will you come back after?'  
  
'Just try and stop me.'  
  
Nick grinned and placed another one on her before making a slightly irritated sound, watching him as he got ready. She pulled her jacket back on, walking him to the bridge despite the protests, planting a kiss on Nick and standing there till Deacon pulled her away this time. Wandering back to the house with a sad sigh.  
  
'Are you going to go away too?'  
  
His head whipped around at her sigh, frowning and pulling his glasses off once they were in the house, making Sturges stare at him in surprise.  
  
'Not unless you want me to, Charmer.'  
  
'Please, stay. Both of you, either here or let's go to Red Rocket...'  
  
'What's up, Audra?'  
  
'I asked Mac to leave because I told him why I've been down...It's my wedding anniversary with Nate tomorrow. It was making me upset to look at him, I felt bad because I didn't want to keep seeing Nate when I looked at him. Mac is his own man and deserves better than that. Then it's Shaun's birthday on the 19th and I'm still waiting for the chip to be decoded....'  
  
'Oh, darlin. Why don't we go to Red Rocket? I have a couple projects to work on, you can help if you'd be so inclined. Of course, Deacon is welcome too, might be a little snug in bed but we wouldn't have to worry about staying warm.'  
  
Audra chuckled at the surprised look on Deacon's face, trying not to sound upset as she added, 'We can always make one of the smaller beds for you if you don't feel comfortable.'  
  
'No, uh. We could try that...'  
  
'Are you just trying to be polite before you disappear in the middle of the night? Okay, well I'll go tell Preston we'll be over there and we should grab some food and stuff. We can finish 1984 once everyone is back...I'll have to see what other books they found.'  
  
'Don't know about you, but I'm ready for the next chapter.'  
  
Deacon smirked at her and the guys agreed and they all went to gather stuff to spend a few days over there without having to come back right away.  
  
-  
  
'Hey, Deacon?'  
  
'Yeah, Sturges?'  
  
'Have you seen Audra? Preston said she came by over two hours ago and only stayed a few minutes, then left. I checked Red Rocket and her bags were there, but I didn't see her anywhere.'  
  
'Fuck. I'll look for her.'  
  
Deacon checked the different buildings, then the graveyard, not seeing her anywhere. Smacking his forehead, he let out a whistle and Dogmeat came bounding to him a minute later, telling him to find her. Frowning as they crossed the bridge, Dogmeat running into the house Sturges had built for him at Red Rocket.  
  
'Charmer?'  
  
'Up here.'  
  
Deacon sighed in relief hearing her soft voice and told Dogmeat to go get Sturges. He went around the side of the building, walking up the scaffold stair tower Sturges had put in. It was different than the last time he'd been up here, watching her. There was a little patio table, a grill, a couch tucked into a covered corner. Audra was sitting on the couch, buried under some blankets, a couple empty bottles of whisky sitting in front of her.  
She'd been crying, her eyebrows and nose were pink, just her face visible under the pile. Sighing softly and looking over the side, waving at Sturges as he saw the man crossing the bridge before going over, moving the bottles and sitting on the table in front of her. He was about to open his mouth again when she sniffled, speaking softly, her voice hoarse.  
  
'There are things we need to talk about some time, serious things...but you'd have to acknowledge who you really are...are you capable of that? Do you even want to?'  
  
(Secrets - Tribe Society)  
  
He frowned, looking down at his feet, trying to figure out what to say to that.  
  
'Audra?'  
  
'We're here, Sturges...'  
  
'You okay darlin?'  
  
Deacon looked over, Sturges frowning a bit seeing her current state. Moving to the couch and sitting next to the pile, she looked between them and burst out crying.  
  
'Hey, hey. We're right here, Audra.'  
  
He reached out tentatively and she jumped when he took her hand. She almost pulled away but looked at him and her eyes were the saddest he'd ever seen them.  
  
'Hey, Charmer. I know you miss Nate and Shaun, we'll help get you through this. Shaun is out there. And together we'll find him. That's a promise.'  
  
'Maybe now, but you'll hate me when I tell you...I hated you for a while. You didn't keep your promise, then you were here...but you're not you. Nate didn't keep his promise either...I didn't keep my promise...we're all just liars.'  
  
She started laughing and sobbing, Deacon looked at Sturges and the other man sighed, moving over and giving woman under the blanket pile a soft kiss before heading down. He looked at her and frowned, thinking it was a stupid idea, but knowing he needed to do something before she got worse.  
Deacon pulled his sunglasses off and hooked them on his shirt, trying to turn her attention to him, but she was hiding her face behind her hands. Looking around for any birds before whispering softly.  
  
'Chunk...'  
  
'You know once upon a time, I hated when you guys called me that. I felt so ugly...the one time we fought before you left for training, I cried because it hurt and I missed your stupid face. After...I would have given anything to have heard it again...and now we're here and I've lost everything. My heart is happy to see you but my mind is confused and it won't matter because you'll hate me and leave. Maybe I should just take a page out of your book and be someone else. What do you think, John could change my hair color...Doctor Sun could change how I look...I could remove my tattoo like you did. Maybe I'll be a redhead like Cait...nahhh, a brunette again, like Ellie and Piper? Blonde like Lisa? You don't remember her either? I hated her guts when you went on a date her...which was just crappy of me because she was so nice. I heard she ended up marrying Jeff, do you remember him? God, you have pretty eyes...'  
  
Deacon blinked at her rambling, she'd always rambled a bit when drunk, but this was the first time he'd seen her drink that much and not pass out. Looking down at his arm, so that was what he felt he was missing the one day.  
  
'I missed you so much and you're going to hate me and I can't even ask you to keep your promise to come back to me. Everyone should run far away from me, I ruin everything.'  
  
He grunted as he scooped her up when she tried to stand, nearly falling off the table to catch her as she leant over. She reached up and caressed his cheek and he resisted the urge to flinch, remembering how she did that at the edge of the Glowing Sea.  
  
'I love you, Aodh.'  
  
She passed out in his arms, cheeks still wet with tears and he swallowed hard, kissing her forehead and whispering so softly it was almost carried away by the wind.  
  
'Love you too, my Chunk...you have no clue how bad I missed you.'  
  
Deacon didn't know what she thought was so terrible that he would hate her, but it could never happen. He just wasn't sure she wouldn't hate him when she found out about what he did.  
  
-  
  
'Sneaking off is supposed to be my thing. How much have you had?'  
  
'Oh, fuck off with the attitude. You can't even admit your name, why the fuck do you care what or how much I drink. I just want to fucking forget like you obviously have.'  
  
She went stomping down the scaffolding, following close behind her. Jumping back when the bottle crashed against the wall instead of the intended trash barrel and she stomped in the general direction of Sanctuary. Deacon sat down on the bench against the wall, rubbing his face and sighing when Dogmeat padded over, licking his face with a whimper.  
  
(I Won't Give In - Asking Alexandria)  
  
'I know boy, I'm worried too.'  
  
'That makes three of us. More if the others see her.'  
  
Deacon looked up to see Sturges coming around the corner, wiping his hands on a rag before grabbing a broom and sweeping the broken glass up. The other man sat down on the bench and gave his shoulder an encouraging squeeze.  
  
'We'll help her get through this. How are you holding up?'  
  
He sighed and just pulled his cigarettes out, lighting one up then offering the pack to Sturges. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, just smoking and Deacon tried not to think about the hand still on his shoulder.  
  
They'd gotten through week since Audra sent Mac away. She slept most of her anniversary away, recovering from the night before. The rest of the week was rough. Audra was drunk just about every evening, it was the only way she'd get any sleep, Shaun's birthday being the worst thus far. She'd gone to shower and they could hear the sobbing, eventually going in to check on her. His heart was in his throat when he yelled for Sturges, the first thing he saw was the blood. She had cut her thighs again but when he tried to approach, she started shaking, just repeating how she was sorry over and over.  
They got her patched up and gave her some biogel then the piled onto the bed, he was trapped against the wall, Audra in the middle and Sturges on her other side. She clung to his shirt as she sobbed for her son and neither he nor Sturges could stop their own tears. This should have never happened and he vowed he would do everything he could to raze the Institute to the ground.  
It was a new week though and he'd been hoping that things might be a bit better, Nick had gotten back that morning and he and Sturges caught the synth up to her current state. Nick had gone into the settlement to look for her when Deacon found her drinking on the roof again, she was particularly irritated with him today and had been since she woke.  
  
He'd been having Dogmeat tail her, that way if something happened, he could come get one of them to go to her. Frowning and jumping up when Dogmeat and Nick started coming across the bridge.  
  
'Where is she?'  
  
'People said they saw her head up to the vault, angry, and she had a crowbar. Might need some help with this one.'  
  
The two men jogged over to join Nick and they all started towards the vault, it already felt like it had been a lifetime since he'd watched her come out. They heard her before they saw her, the sound of screaming and breaking glass, the clash of the crowbar against metal. Running up the rest of the way they surveyed the situation, Sturges had stripped it down a fair amount but there were still containers and the small trailers on the outside of the entrance, Audra was currently inside the one and they jumped when they saw the hit. They could actually see a dent in the metal wall.  
  
'Doll...?'  
  
There was another shout and a hit to the wall before she came out, glaring at them.  
  
'Go away.'  
  
'We're just worried about you, darlin.'  
  
'Yeah, Charmer, we just...'  
  
'You don't fucking get to speak to me right now.'  
  
'Did you take some fucking psycho or something? Jesus, get your bitch fit done with and tell me what the hell is going on Audra. What the hell was that?'  
  
Nick and Sturges stared at him open mouthed as he snapped, yelling at her and gesturing to the dented wall. He was struck with a sudden memory - Yelling wasn't uncommon between them, they were both stubborn as all hell and people would often worry when they got into a row, but they'd always felt better after getting it all out there...and the makeup sex was sensational. He remembered after one particularly bad fight, he took her to the transport boneyard, tossing her a crowbar and telling her to take her aggression out on the broken cars. Huh, so this was his idea originally.  
  
'No, I have never had fucking psycho. I took some of the blue goo after I cut my hand.'  
  
She sighed and the situation was almost immediately defused as she tossed the crowbar on the ground and sat on the steps of the trailer, hiding her face in her hands. Frowning a little, wondering if she got one of the crazy batches they'd picked up after Charlie had found the ship...aliens, man...but that particular biogel sometimes had weird effects like added strength.  
  
'I'm so sad and so angry all the time, I just don't know what the point of any of this is anymore. They haven't been able to decode the chip yet...the Institute has Shaun...you can't remember anything, you don't even remember what to today is. Why are you here?'  
  
She brushed past them and it was heart-rending to see her crying because of him, again. He realised Nick was still standing there with him, Sturges and Dogmeat having gone after Audra.  
  
'Before I ask more, are you okay?'  
  
Deacon let out a bark of laughter, rubbing his face and the back of his neck. They moved over to the stair she'd been sitting on, shoulder to shoulder and pulled out his pack of cigarettes, sitting there a moment before answering.  
  
'Not really. Everything I do seems to make her cry.'  
  
'You do realise that is because she loves you, right? And I've done my fair share of hurting her...but here I am. I have never known anyone with a bigger heart...even before the war. Now, do you know what she's talking about? Are you being coy or do you really have no clue?'  
  
'Wait, you knew her before?'  
  
'Nick met her once. When his fiance was killed, she was there and she gave him some comfort without him ever knowing her name.'  
  
'You are Nick.'  
  
'You sound just like her. Now quit avoiding the question Deacon, do you know what she's talking about?'  
  
'No. I don't remember.'  
  
'What?'  
  
Deacon sighed and figured, fuck it. Valentine wasn't going to give up and he was tired, he also knew and trusted the man not to talk. He would never give up the Railroad and his friends but it didn't matter what they did to him, especially if Cole was here.  
  
'I don't remember. I've been awake longer than you, Valentine. I've forgotten most everything from before.'  
  
'So you admit it is you or is this just another one of your lies?'  
  
Deacon just looked at the synth and Nick was apparently satisfied with what he saw, looking down at his bare hand as he flexed it a few times.  
  
'How long?'  
  
'I've probably got a good thirty years or so on you. At least from what I've heard of how long you've been around.'  
  
'How?'  
  
'Vault-Tec wasn't the only one who liked to do crazy shit. Need to remember that the military had most of those experiments going before they did.'  
  
'Jesus. What do you remember?'  
  
'Little from before...mostly her, random memories, they've been coming back since she woke. I remember waking up in an abandoned military base just outside of Denver. That's where I met Dogmeat, over the years, what little I had from before faded even more. I don't know why she's upset...and I'm scared to ask. It obviously has something to do with me.'  
  
'Dogmeat is over 100? Well...that explains a few things and obviously, you need to talk to her.'  
  
The two stared at each other and it was Deacon who broke first.  
  
'Note to self, don't play the staring game with a synth.'  
  
They started down the hill, mumbling to himself as he looked over Sanctuary.  
  
'I wonder what tonight's show is. Oh, us.'  
  
Preston stopped them as they started making for Red Rocket, mentioning that they went to the house instead, turning around and wandering through the old back yards instead of looping around.  
Deacon stopped in his tracks, seeing Audra and Sturges through the window. Nick was about to say something when he saw them, as well. Audra was on his lap and they could see her shaking and crying and he tensed up, she pulled an envelope out of her safe and he wondered what was in this one...he wanted to see, but he didn't know if he could handle it. Like when he saw the picture of the three of them.  
  
(Broken - Seether)  
  
'Go to her.'  
  
'Can I show you something, Nick?'  
  
At his nod, Deacon reached into his pocket, hesitating for a moment before pulling it out the little-folded square. Handing it to the synth and watching as he unfolded it, his breath catching a bit like it did every time he looked at the photo. It was almost faded beyond recognition, the edges torn, but you could still see her faintly.  
Audra was laying on her back, legs up against the wall, looking engrossed in the book she was holding. Innocent seeming enough at first till one realised she was wearing a shirt...his shirt and nothing else. Her dark hair fanned over the bed, the curve of her rear just visible beneath the hem of the shirt.  
  
'That was in my personal effects that I found when I woke up. I've never shown it to anyone. I know I used to know when it was from, but I forgot somewhere along the way...but I always remembered her face.'  
  
He looked up from the photo and he had to reach out, holding Nick's shoulder for support, heartbeat loud in his ears.  
  
_Fuck, am I going to pass out?_  
  
But it slowed and calmed little by little as he and Audra stared at each other through the glass. Nick handed him the photo, giving him a gentle shove.  
  
'Thank you for trusting me with that, now go talk to her.'  
  
His feet were heavy as he marched for the house. He entered and met Sturges in the living room, standing stock still in shock when the other man gave him a hug before exiting the house.  
  
_Oh god...it's something bad, isn't it...whatever I can't remember...it's bad._  
  
He stopped in the doorway, leaning against the frame as she looked up at him from where she sat on the floor, taking his glasses off and just looking at her. That young girl in the picture and the one before him had changed greatly in appearance but she was still his Chunk, even now. He could see the impatience building as he remained silent, finally saying something before she snapped at him.  
  
'Awkward silence or quality time? You be the judge.'  
  
'You are such an arse. Come here...please?'  
  
He hesitated again before moving forward, sitting on the little couch she had, looking at the photos scattered on the floor. Photos of him...  
  
_I forgot what my face used to actually look like._  
  
'What did you show Nick?'  
  
'A photo of you, lying on the bed, reading.'  
  
'In your shirt...the one you took to take with you when you left for China.'  
  
'There are perhaps no days of our childhood we lived so fully as those we spent with a favorite book.'  
  
'Proust. You took that picture of me 214 years ago today...I'm surprised it's lasted...do you remember what else happened on the same day?'  
  
'No.'  
  
'How much do you remember from before?'  
  
She sighed as he just looked at the floor, looking up when she held her hand out in front of him, going pale when he saw the ring sitting in her palm. She shoved it at him, making him take it.  
  
-  
  
_His heart was pounding so fast, it felt like a rabbit thumping against his chest. He kept reaching in his pocket to make sure it was still there, he'd had it specially made and he really hoped she didn't just chuck it in his face or laugh. Oh god, what if he read this all wrong, it'd been less than two years and she'd been back at school for most of that...shit shit shit._ _Aidan jumped when she came into the room, giving him an odd look._  
  
_'You okay, Boff?'_  
  
_'Uh, yeah...why don't you take a seat?'_  
  
_She gave him another weird look and he ran his hand through his hair, starting to feel panicky. She was going to say no, this was a stupid idea, after everything with Nate and...oh god, what if she wanted Nate more...it should be him here, he was the better man. Pop and Gov were going to kill him..._  
  
_'AIDAN! What the hell is wrong with you? You're acting weird, hon. Whatever it is, just spit it out and get it over with.'_  
  
_He plastered his best grin on, grabbing her hand and kneeling down in front of her. Her eyes went wide and he was still having a hard time reading her, figuring he'd better just go with it and deal with the consequences when it went wrong._  
  
_'I want you to have this Chunk...Audra...' chuckling softly as he corrected himself, the silver band warm from being in his pocket as he slipped it on her finger. 'It's a promise, I'll be back for you.'_  
  
_She blushed brightly and he felt his heart soar...hoping...leaning in, brushing the softest of kisses on her lips, her fingers curling in his ginger hair. She didn't pull away, she didn't say no, she was still here..._  
  
_'Will you marry me, Audra? I know it's not the most romantic...but this couch was where everything started really and I owe it a giant debt for being here and bringing us together and...'_  
  
_'Yes, but this couch is still ugly. Now shut up and kiss me, I've been yours since even before that first kiss.'_  
  
_'Really? I thought you...I thought you were going to tell me no...that maybe you wanted Nate more.'_  
  
_'Oh, you bloody idiot...I love Nate, yes...but it's always been you Aodh. It will always be you...'_  
  
_She was tearing up, but they were happy tears and he couldn't help but beam at her, slowly backing her into the couch._  
  
_'I love you more than anything Audra, I never knew I could love someone so much...god, I need you. Always need you_ _.'_  
  
_He raised her hand, showing her the moon and stars etched on the ring. Climbing over her and kissing deeply. She said yes. She. Said. Yes. Aidan groaned and kissed her passionately, clinging to his fiance. He was going to come back from China and marry her._  
_Aidan looked up abruptly when they heard the door, Pop walking in and looking at them pressed together on the couch, huffing a little and rolling his eyes. Eyes going wide when Audra raised her hand, showing him the ring, walking over as they pulled apart._  
_He stood up in front of the man that was going to be his father, the man that had already been the only father he'd ever really known, looking at the man cautiously._  
  
_'When all of this first started going on, I'll admit, I was a bit worried...but you've shown me...you've both shown me the love you have for each other and how much you belong together. Now, I know you have aspects of your relationship that I don't understand...the three of you...'_  
  
_'DAD!'_  
  
_They were both blushing and the older man just chuckled, raising his hands in a calming gesture._  
  
_'I may not understand, Rog may not understand...the world may never understand, but if it makes you happy then you cling to it. Hold tight to each other. I'll be happy and proud to officially have you as part of the family, son.'_  
  
-  
  
'You can give it back when...if...you ever want to keep your promise. I'll be here...I'll always be here for you. And when we're ready, we'll have that talk.'  
  
Deacon looked at her, then the ring, then back to Audra. The panic spread over him as the memory came back so he did the only thing he could think of, what was familiar...and he popped the stealth boy he always had on him and ran away.  
  
(Tainted Love - Marilyn Manson)  
  
He didn't stop till he got to Concord, busting into the speakeasy he knew was there. Looking down when he realised he was still holding the ring tight enough in his fist to leave an impression, he probably stared at it a five minutes before slipping into his pocket.  
He should just chuck it away, save her from being tied to him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. She deserved better than his tainted emotions. He shoved some skeletons over on the couch wandering the building gathering all he could before sitting down and drinking. Trying to catch up to what she'd drunk this week.  
  
-  
  
He knew it was a bad idea, but he had to see her.  
  
Creeping through Red Rocket quietly and peeking in the bedroom. Audra was lying there, passed out, exhausted looking. Sturges looked up from where he was lying next to her and Deacon flushed, backpedalling.  
  
'She was worried about you, finally cried herself to sleep. How are you holding up, man? Jesus, how much did you drink? You smell like a brewery, my friend.'  
  
Deacon looked over as Sturges followed him out, joining him on the bench again, slinging an arm around his shoulders on the back of the bench. He flushed and looked at the mechanic as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes before looking up at him. The other man smirked a little, seeing him blush in the dim light.  
  
'She left you something at the house, on top of the safe. You should go check it out and sleep it off.'  
  
The burly man clapped him into a one armed hug and pecked his cheek before standing and heading back inside, leaving him drunk and dazed.  
  
_Did that really just happen, is this all really happening?_  
  
He stumbled to the house, intercepted by Nick, the man-synth repeating what Sturges had said and adding that Audra said she still needed to talk to him.  
  
'She wouldn't tell us what it was, said that it was between you two and that you needed to know first.'  
  
They talked for a few minutes before Deacon bucked up the courage to enter the bedroom. Seeing something sitting on top of the safe like they said. He sat on the small couch again and reached out, grabbing what was there, a couple pictures and a note.  
Looking at the pictures first, he swallowed forcefully past the lump building there. The first picture was one of her on the bed again, in much better shape than the one he had, but instead of looking at the book she was looking at the camera and he could practically feel the love in her gaze. The second picture was dated a few days after their engagement and it was in the backyard of the house in Modesto. He was sitting on a lawn chair with Audra on his lap, flashing her ring for the camera. Nate was sitting on the ground, looking up at them with a grin and Pop and Roger were standing behind them, looking happy and proud.  
  
_Susan...Susan took the picture. Maxie 2.0 was napping inside and they were in the backyard drinking and barbequing, celebrating their engagement._  
  
He was losing the battle against the tears, looking at the pictures...his family. Sighing and picking up the note.  
  
**_My love,_**  
  
**_I thought I had lost you forever, then here you were at the end of the world._**  
  
**_I don't know why or how...I don't understand why you won't talk to me...but I'll love you always. It was always you. If you want to keep your promise, I'll be here. If you want to leave and never see me again, I'll respect that, but I'll always be here if you want to come back. If you want to run away together and leave this all after I find Shaun...it would hurt, but I would do it for you._**  
  
**_But before that, we need to talk._**  
  
**_I'll admit this may be the coward's way out, but I don't know if I could handle it right now. If you want to know what is so serious, the combination to the safe is 6674. There is a box on the middle shelf, take a look at that, and come find me when you're ready to talk._**  
 **_The pictures are for you to keep no matter what, so you remember us from before, so you remember our family. They would have been happy to know that I found you. There is also some at the bottom of the box, you can take one of those if you want after you see._**  
  
**_I love you Boff...my Aodh._**  
  
**_Forever,_**  
  
**_Your Chunk_**  
  
Some of the words blurred together as he cried, pulling his glasses off and wiping his eyes. He thought about it for a while, staring at the pictures before he opened the safe, staring at the box. Whatever it was, it was going to hurt and he didn't know if he wanted to know, but he couldn't not look now.  
  
He pulled the box down, sitting on the floor and opening it. Sitting on the top was one of his old shirts, covering the items inside. He pulled it off and sighed softly when he saw the flag in the display box. Of course, she was listed as his next of kin, they would have presented her with the flag for his service. Finding the official telegraph and the one from Pop, aching when he saw how they were stained and warped from old tears. There were several other pictures of them together, the nice ones they had professionally done for their engagement, a program from his funeral. It was odd looking at that, something catching his eye as he teared up, reading the touching poem she wrote for him.  
  
There was a picture frame at the bottom of the box, face down, buried underneath everything else and he pulled it out. Turning it around and looking down. It didn't register at first, what he was looking at but when it did he dropped the frame, glass shattering on the floor. Nick ran in, seeing him frozen there, then the broken picture frame. Kneeling down and picking it up, trying to get him to get up on the couch. When Nick looked down and saw what was in the picture, he dropped it too and Deacon laughed with an edge of hysteria. He'd never seen a synth look so...shocked. The laughter turned to tears and the synth yanked him up, depositing him on the couch and putting everything back in the box so he could clean up the broken glass. Sitting down next to him once the glass was clear, a hand on his shoulder.  
  
Deacon couldn't find words and he felt like an even bigger ass. She dealt with all of that and he wasn't there for her. But for some reason she still loved him and that hurt more than anything.  
  
_This, this is what she thought I would hate her for, but I just hate myself even more._  
  
Nick must have seen something on his face and pulled him into a hug and that was like permission to release the floodgates, bawling on his shoulder. The synth eventually coaxed him into lying down on the bed, looking surprised when Deacon asked him to stay. He reached out and held Nick's hand awkwardly, needing some kind of contact. Drifting off to the dark thoughts in his brain.  
  
_Once scum, always scum._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your kind words, there are times where my own anxiety and stuff tries to get me to stop, but then I just read all the comments and feel better and get back at it <3
> 
> (In my mind Audra's safe is one of the larger standing ones, not the little dinky ones in-game)


End file.
